How Do I Adopt a Pet with My Partner?

Thinking about adding to your household? Not quite ready for children, but would you love to bring something into your relationship? A dog, cat, bird, turtle, or even a quiet little bunny can make all the difference, good or bad. We all hope to open our hearts and home at points in our lives. My husband and I are celebrating 30 years of marriage soon, and we've enjoyed and endured a plethora of various animals over the years and stages of our relationship. Here's a checklist of things to consider before adopting a pet.

1. Are You and Your Partner Ready to Adopt?

This is truly a joint decision. Even if you're absolutely certain you want that special little change, be sure your house-mate's ready too. You might think it's the perfect time, place and animal companion and you're ready to grow together, but is the Missus or Gentleman of the House equally certain? Don't forget: You might be the one feeding, exercising, and working with "Fido," but the entire face of home life will change. Be patient and work on short term trial periods by pet sitting, volunteer work at the local animal shelter, or just helping out a friend or relative while you (or they) are on vacation. Many shelters offer their own programs and information. Ask the "other half" before rushing home with that cute little kitten. When children are in the household, incorporate them into the decision-making process. Pets are a big responsibility and can be a life-long commitment. My college room mate's gerbil, Belle, only lived about 18 months, dying from a brain aneurysm. An African Grey Parrot has a 50-70 year lifespan.

2. Select a Breed and Consider Alternatives.

When we were newlyweds, I had my heart set on a golden retriever. When I met Warren, he'd recently inherited a Tabby Maine Coon cat from his great Uncle Vaughan Norton, along with the cabin where we live today. But we left Michigan and were alone, stationed in Italy. The neighbor cats and dogs routinely visited us for food and attention, but we talked about having our own dog or cat. A young man who visited and helped sit with Warren during his illness (while I worked,) mentioned he had a young pup and was returning stateside. Concerned over restrictions in apartments and temporary housing, he was looking to adopt out the dog. Dickey Dog became our first, a most memorable addition to life in the villa in Italy. He was an exceptionally personable animal, but Warren and I both agreed on a test period before formalizing this adoption. To be honest, once we laid eyes on him, all thoughts of the golden retriever faded. We both laughed over Jack's assertion that "He LOOKS like a golden retriever." But Dickey "made" our lives for much of the first half of our marriage. Most of our friends can't help but laugh over the antics of that singular Italian mutt who was saved off the streets of San Vito dei Normanni in Apulia. Even within a purebred family, it's important to remember that animals have their own personality.

3. Consider Costs and Commitment.

I don't care who you are or what the breed, an animal is going to change your life. Try to objectively work out the costs, requirements, and details of owning a pet. It's not just a matter of throwing some dog food in a dish once each day. Small animals usually arrive with an array of shots, with boosters to be scheduled. Bird seed might not seem like a big outlay, but there's cages, water dishes, and you might face kennel fees, vet bills, or pet store outlays for a simple short notice business trip while everyone else is busy. With proper planning and a bit of ingenuity, there's things you can do to trim costs in pet care. Our 2009 puppy Diesel seems happy with various used dog toys and is more interested in variety than the latest designer Squeak-y Toy from Walmart. He's retrieved tons of old stuff lost long ago by our middle dog child, Comet. I've even dug up some of Vince's sturdier baby toys and Diesel's just thrilled with this weird plastic doll he found out in the woods. Work with your veterinarian and you can learn to do basics like nail trimming at home. Regular check-ups are less expensive than being landed with a huge bill for a minor ailment that advanced into a major illness. Shop around and compare costs. Isn't it funny how people drive all over town looking to save one cent per gallon with gas and think nothing of buying a $25 bag of dog food without printing a coupon for $5 on the same product? Do you like to cook? Dog biscuits are not only a "do-able" thing at home, there's people making good money selling gourmet pet treats as a "hobby farm" type industry. Once again, here's an area to involve the domestic partner. Money problems often lead to arguments and even divorce. Don't make your pet the center of controversy.

4. Interaction on the Home Front

We run a small Native American craft store called Fort Algonquin, in Saint Ignace, Michigan. Dogs, cats, rabbits, turkeys, and birds lived here over the years. Not only are Warren & I concerned with our son and his friends, but remember your animal is not living in a vacuum. Think about personalities in the home and visitors or guests. Our friend from downstate, "Turkey Tom," got us interested in turkeys. To this day, we have visitors and guests ask us about what happened to the turkeys they met, years ago. "Prince Charles" and Camilla, as well as their offspring, became a part of our business and home life. Our original objective was to include a turkey fry at the end of the season; however, once you name an animal, it's awfully difficult to serve them up on a plate. Unfortunately, coyotes and wolves were the ones to devour the third generation of turkey poult on our property.

5. Plan Your Journey

In my mind, Cesar Millan (The Dog Whisperer) is a great man. I'm not much for TV, but I'll go out of my way to watch his show. He emphasizes training people and the concept of pack leadership. Exercise and discipline are central to his philosophy in dealing with problem animals, and I've seen a long walk calm the most hyperactive dogs on the planet. Our good friend Steve has a small white Shitzu named Weasel. When we first met Steve, he faced health issues, behavioral problems and had to replace countless floors and carpets. Over the years, Steve took the lead in slowly training his dog and changing his own mindset. Adding a kitten was one of the best moves they made, as Smokey enjoys romping around with the dog! House training became a breeze with a routine and regular exercise periods, even at the advanced age of 7 years. One of my favorite quotes from The Dog Whisperer is, "We have to use exercise, discipline and affection every day. Most of the time people share affection, affection, affection, and that creates frustration. In a powerful breed, that's going to lead him into aggression. So exercise and discipline play a big role in balance."

I hope I've given you a start to your road map for pet adoption. Warren and I, as well as our son Vincent, are animal people. We all grieve for "Mike the Spike," our tabby cat who was stolen right from the yard! We miss Comet, and all the animals who've moved on to their Happy Hunting Grounds. Living without animals is a foreign concept for our family, but they've all been learning experiences. Good luck and stay focused!

Note: Cesar Millan is quoted on a t-shirt made available from Pack Leader Products on his website.