How to Get Along with Your Children After They Leave Home

Leaving home is a big step for children to make. Many parents long for their children to spread their wings and leave the nest. But when they do they feel lonely and wonder how they will adjust to the change in their lives. This article will deal with how adult children and parents can work towards a happy compromise.

How to get along with your children after they leave home #1 How often will you be in touch?

Some parents want to maintain daily phone conversations, but this is not always possible. Adult children must be allowed to have their own space. One way parents can do this is to make sure that they do not call their children all the time asking them if they are alright and if they need help. Let your children settle into their new home and then let them call you. Your children are adults, after all. They do not need to have their parents checking up on them at every opportunity! So work out what is best. Is once a week or three times a week sufficient contact? Some families only talk about once a month, or less. Don't forget letters and e-mails too. They are another way to maintain contact without making adult children feel that their parents are checking up on them.

How to get along with your children after they leave home #2 Treat your children like adults

It can be embarrassing when adult children leave home, secure their own home, job and so on, only to have their parents still telling them what to do and how to run their lives. If you find yourself doing this, just stop and think of what your child has achieved. Could a child run their own household and hold down a steady job? No. It takes a lot of maturity and discipline to reach this stage. Telling them what to do will not make them feel as if their achievements mean anything to you. So be sure to acknowledge the fact that they are mature, capable adults and you will stay on good terms with your children.

How to get along with your children after they leave home #3 Do not meddle!!

Parents often call this "concern". But their children may well consider their parents' suggestions and ideas to be too intrusive and meddlesome. The best thing to do is to only offer advice if it has been sought, rather than trying to solve their problems by giving unsolicited advice. Most adult children will not appreciate this. Remember, too, that children will often ignore advice their parents give them and then go headlong into trouble. If this happens, do not say "I told you so". Just wait for them to ask you for help, rather than the other way around. If parents want their adult children to follow their advice, they would do well to wait to be asked for advice first!

How to get along with your children after they leave home #4 Learn to like their prospective spouse

Many adult children leave home so that they can get married and set up home with their spouse. If that is the case in your family, try to be supportive of their choice of spouse and learn to like them. Get rid of any feelings of jealousy. Your child had to grow up someday. One aspect of that is choosing to get married. It is unwise to try and split up your child from their prospective spouse just because you do not like him or her. No one may ever seem "good enough" for your son or daughter. Naturally, if you have grounds to suspect that your child's prospective spouse is unsuitable because of cheating, deceit, drugs or any other issue, then bring it up. But do not expect that your advice will make much difference or that you will be thanked for ruining their happiness. It is sometimes impossible to sway an adult child's mind, especially when they are in love and think it will all work out for the best. If it does work out, then all the better for your child. But if it goes pear shaped, then be there to pick up the pieces. As much as you may want to shield your child from a disastrous marriage, you will have to just accept that this will not always happen. You would not want to alienate your child just because of your attitude toward their spouse. Ultimatums will almost always mean siding with their spouse.

How to get along with your children after they leave home #5 Offer to babysit your grandchildren

Many grandparents reading this will want to do this automatically once their children start their own family. Others won't. Your child will probably appreciate the involvement you have with their children, and they will also like to have a day off from parenting duties every once in a while, such as when they want to go out somewhere with their spouse. Be careful to follow the parents' rules, and discipline the children in a way that the parents will approve of. I have known of many families who have gone beyond the parents' wishes and as a result ended up in their bad books for years. Remember that you are not the parents and you do not have the final say when it comes to rules and discipline, the parents do. If you remember this, you will do well.

The main thing to remember is that once children leave home, they are building a new life for themselves. It does not mean that adult children no longer need or want their parents in their lives. They just want the freedom to exercise their rights and privileges as adults. One of the biggest ways to show your support is to let them take this adult step and realize that they can live a good, productive life on their own or with their spouse. Your role will change, but your love for them won't.