How to Always Land a Second Date

My recent foray into the single's world lead me realize that there are many men out there that do not know how to obtain a second date. All of the women I talked to have reported that they have been on a plethora of first dates, but normally aren't interested in going on a second date. Sadly, some even become so discouraged that they give up on finding a partner completely.

"You never have a second chance to make a first impression" is very true in the dating world. An innocent blunder on the 5th or 6th date can be fatal on the first. You will need to be on your best behavior and will have to look your best on your first date. It's normal to feel a little nervous, which can be useful because such nervous energy tends to keep you on your toes.

People are becoming less accustomed to face to face contact and many use online dating services to arrange first dates. With people spending hours with just technology and machines, it's no wonder that most first dates end up in disaster. This isn't because the men going on first dates are creeps, perverts, or bad men, it's simply because they don't know how to act in such situations. Below are a list of tips I have compiled from my own dates and interviews with various women to make sure you make it past that nerve wracking first date. Study the tips below and be confident in yourself and you'll do just fine.

1. Treat sexual topics as you would salary in a job interview--don't talk about it unless she brings it up first. If you're out on your first date and you're lucky enough to be going out with an attractive woman, your mind will probably experience some impure thoughts. As tempting as it is to inform your date of such thoughts or lascivious future intentions, she does not want to hear about it on the first date. If she brings up a naughty topic, feel free to engage in the discussion, as she is obviously comfortable with such discussions on the first date but do not dwell on the topic even if she brings it up first. The number one complaint I have heard from women who bemoan their lack of successful first dates is that it's clear that "the man is all about sex" or "is only seeing me sexually." It's not clear if men choose to have sexual discussions during initial encounters because that is their main intent or if that's their way of complimenting women these days. Whatever the reason, it's not cool to talk about such things during a first date.

2. Be attentive, polite and even chivalrous, but not too much so. Despite the feminist movement and recent social changes, women still do appreciate acts of chivalry. Be careful to not overdo it though. A good example of this would be to open the car door for her sometimes, but not every time, she gets in the car. If you're so busy opening doors or offering other favors, you will appear desperate and zealous, and your attractiveness will diminish in her eyes. Make it look as though you're courteous and polite, but that such behavior comes to you naturally. Other examples of acts that fit what I'm suggesting here would be mildly suggesting an entree or drink if she's having trouble ordering during dinner or accommodating her music interests in the car. Examples of going over the top would be pulling out her chair when she's about to sit down.

3. Specifically tailor any compliments you deliver. Every man knows that women love compliments. While most men know this, they do not know how to properly deliver a compliment for maximum impact. If your date has pretty eyes, chances are she's been told many times that her eyes "are beautiful." If you want to tell her she has nice eyes, do it in a way that shows her you're really paying attention to her. Say something like "Your red sweater really brings out the brilliance of your green eyes in this lighting." or "Your outfit really accentuates your long legs."

4. Fish in your conversation: cast again and reel in. If you're really interested in college football, that's great, but she's probably not. Answer questions and cast your own lure for conversation but don't focus on something you know she's not interested in. Nothing kills a first date, or any date for that matter, than boring conversation. If you're stumped for topics of mutual interest, just get her to talk about herself. If you're really interested in your date, you'll have no problem being genuinely interested in her when she talks about herself. Ask follow up questions and maintain eye contact about 80-90% of the time. If you're talking about something superficially and find that she's interested, lure it in and talk about it for a while. Even if she's interested, find something else to talk about after a while. Always turn the conversation back to her and what her interests or thoughts are on a particular subject.

5. Don't talk about your ex. It's really tempting when you first go back into the dating world to talk about your ex, especially when you're hard-pressed for topics of conversation. Do not bring up your ex. It will give your date the impression that you're not over her and you're not really ready to date again. If she asks a question about your ex or previous relationships, answer her briefly and change the subject.

6. Offer to pay the bill. She won't get offended if you offer to pay the bill. Don't talk about who's getting the bill beforehand, just make an attempt to pay it when the time comes. If she offers to contribute a portion, take the offer without argument and thank her for her contribution. Offer to pay the bill even if she asked you out on the date--it's especially important to offer to pay if you asked her out. I know the rules of dating have changed recently, but most women will still appreciate it if you at least make an attempt to pay. If she insists on paying the entire bill, protest mildly, but let her pay eventually if she insists. Arguing about the bill payment arrangements will disrupt the real focus of your date.

7. Show her your sense of humor. No date likes Sammy Serious. If you look at any woman's singles ad you'll always see the phrase "must have a good sense of humor." Deliver a quip, tell a clean joke, and don't hesitate to laugh if you both experience something funny together.

8. Pay attention to her! This should be obvious, but many women report men being more focused on their cell phones or themselves than on their date. On your first date, turn your cell phone off or leave it in the car. You will need to be 100% focused on your date the first time you meet her. Listen to what she says and respond appropriately. There's nothing more annoying than saying something and having someone respond with something totally unrelated or with something egocentric. When you ask her what she does and she replies that she's an accountant, don't just start telling her that you're a lawyer and where you went to law school, ask her some follow up questions.

9. Smile and give positive facial expressions. When men talk to each other, they don't tend to focus on the facial feedback of the other person. When a woman is talking to you, how your face receives what she's saying is just as important as how you respond verbally. Smile often, tilt your head to show interest, and nod in agreement when you're understanding what she's saying.

10. Don't try to kiss her. Everyone gets nervous as they're concluding a first date because the man is thinking "should I kiss her" and the woman is worrying about whether or not he's going to try to kiss her. There's already enough stress and expectation stemming from the first date. Don't complicate things by trying to kiss her. Leave some anticipation for the second date. A warm hug until the second date should suffice.