How Am I Supposed to Stalk You If You Won't Go Away?

Hey, girl. How's everything going? That's nice. Listen, I know we've been having some good times. I know things have seemed really happy. But something's changed, baby, and I just gotta get it off my chest.

You see, the thrill.....it's gone. I've tried my best to keep it going, but I can't help it anymore. This just isn't working for me. Lately, I've been thinking back to how it was in the beginning, how we had this beautiful thing between us. If anyone else had known, I'm sure they would've been jealous. It was wrong and it was taboo, and society would never have accepted our love, but that's what made it so intense! We were rebels in love!

It all seemed so much simpler back then. You were the pretty young thing who never thought to close her blinds at night, who never checked behind her while walking down the street, who didn't seem to mind 3 a.m. calls of nothing but heavy breathing. You were so pure, and you stole my heart from the first moment I climbed that tree outside your window. I used to sit on that branch for hours, gazing in awe through the barely-there curtains as you painted your nails or shaved your back. I would press my ear to the window and listen to you call your grandmother just to keep in touch, or scream at someone named Tito that he was a month behind with his protection money. You were an innocent angel.

I even remember that day at the Pawn-or-Die, when you were hawking the gold chain that I'd watched Tito give you earlier that morning. You waited between the Playstations and the shotguns, and I couldn't resist - I just had to walk by and smell your perfectly stringy hair. Though I still can't figure out why it smelled like pancakes and old blood, it was a magical moment that we shared. For one creepy instant I stood close to you, and something changed. I no longer felt the need to rummage through your trash after you'd gone to work, or stand silently over your bed while you slept. This was new. And at that moment, you turned and smiled at me and told me your name.

From that day on, as you know, we have been inseparable. Now I gaze adoringly at you for hours, and you actually gaze back at me. I open my arms, and you're there to fill them. I spy from behind the couch as you mop the kitchen floor, and you......well, you still think that's creepy, but you love me enough to let me do it. And while our time together has been full of wonder, I must confess that I miss the way things were, my love.

I miss ducking out of view just as you look towards the window. I miss sitting behind you in the diner and making waffle sculptures of your face. I long for the old thrill of hiding in your trunk just to be with you as you go to the dentist or run over slow pedestrians. Watching you make me a sandwich no longer has the excitement it once did. Yes, your sandwiches are delicious, but how could they ever compare to listening to you call the police as I leap over your fence? I still love you, baby, and I want this to work. All I'm saying is, can't we go back to the way things were?!

Please think about it. When you're ready to tell me how you feel, just look out your window. I'll be in the tree.