How American Idol Can Gain More Viewers

Back in 2002, I worked at Sam Goody Music Store and started to have customers come in to the store, asking if the CD by someone named Kelli Clarkson was out. After some frantic searching, it had to be explained to me that Kelli Clarkson was the winner of this show called 'American Idol'. Since I spent most of my waking hours at work, I had never seen or even heard of the show. When the second season of it came out, I decided I would give it a chance and watch an episode.

After the first ten minutes, I was completely bored out of my mind and completely flabbergasted that something like this was considered to be 'quality programming' by FOX TV. In high school, I had tried out for the play every year, so I was used to seeing a large number of people who could not sing (but thought they could) audition and a very small number of people who had true talent. This was fine to watch live for about three hours once a year . . . but one hour (sometimes two hours) a week? Seriously? I have much better things to do with my life then try sing along with other people, or critique how much their singing talent was non-existent. True, Simon Cowell did add some color to the show, but I had to wait too long in between songs to get another chuckle.

Sadly, this nuisance of a show has been around for eight seasons now. So, I would be more than glad to jump on the 'American Idol' band wagon, as I foresee some night there will be nothing else on television but this show and I would need something to do. However, I would like to see some of the following changes made before I have to stoop to the level of watching the show and truly enjoy it:

1) Flame throwers that lower from the ceiling: Now, admittedly, this may seem a little bit extreme. However, you ask any man, and once we see someone set on fire, we will stay glued to the show for weeks on end, just knowing that someone else will be burnt. Talk about a 'smoking single' or a 'torch song'!

2) Immediate audience voting: As a contest is on the stage, crooning away, let the studio audience vote immediately, to let the singer know how the people really think. As the singer gains more and more negative votes, a beeping noise on stage will get louder and louder, based upon the number of negative votes. Once the singer has reached a certain number of negative votes, a trap door will open up and the auditory offense is removed from the stage, never to be heard killing your favorite Beatles tune again.

3) Bring in Gordon Ramsay: Let Randy Jackson ride off into the sunset, let Paula Abdul be carried off by the men in white jackets, and just have everyone's favorite Nazi chef sit alongside everyone's favorite smart mouthed music critic, throwing barbs out left and right to those who deserve it. If these two men can find someone that they deem worthy, then those lucky few should feel truly honored.

By going ahead and taking these few simple steps would gain the attention of the male population who are not enthralled with this American phenomenon and send the ratings through the roof. And if that doesn't happen, it will at least catch my interest in case nothing else is good on TV.