How to Apologize

How do you apologize to someone once you realize you're in the wrong? It is important to apologize as quickly as possible so the other person does not become resentful-you want them to forgive you, right? The tips below will help you apologize with grace, and effectively, so you can get on with your relationship, friendship, or business transaction in the best possible way.

1. Give them an unconditional apology. Saying "I'm sorry, I screwed up" goes a lot further than conditional statements such as, "I'm sorry if sleeping with another woman offended you" or "I'm sorry if getting you fired made you upset." Don't put any "ifs" in your statement; assume the person's feelings were hurt. Be the bigger person in this situation and have the self-confidence to apologize fully.

2. Ask them what can be done to make things better. After apologizing, ask if there is anything you can do to ameliorate the situation. If it is relationship-related, maybe give them an "I'm sorry" card or bouquet of flowers.

3. Don't make the same mistake twice. If you have done someone wrong, make a point of never doing the same thing to them again-a person's ability to forgive lessens over time. They may not trust you at all if you continue to abuse the trust they have placed in you.

4. Move on with things. Don't say, "I'm sorry" a hundred times. Give the other person the space and time needed to forgive you.

Apologizing is an art form. The key is to do it quickly and then to learn from your mistake. Those who wait too long to apologize, or do so in a half-hearted manner, are missing an opportunity to strengthen their relationships or friendships.

Apologizing, especially in business situations, does not show "weakness" or "incompetence"-in fact, it shows the exact opposite. Only leaders with clear vision and the most competent executives are comfortable with admitting their own mistakes, rather than passing the blame off to a lower-ranking employee or another department.

Of course, avoid apologizing when it is not your fault. Some people have a habit of apologizing for things beyond their control-such as the weather-and this is to be avoided. Don't apologize for others and don't apologize for forces of nature or acts of God. Sometimes things just happen and there is nothing you can do about it. If you are constantly apologizing for every small inconvenience, this lessens the power of your apology-when you really need to give a good apology to make things right, you won't be able to do so.