How to Approach Your Child's Teacher with Concerns

Even good students sometimes encounter problems or challenges in the classroom. When you consider that the average student spends seven to eight hours a day in school, with one teacher or several teachers, chances are that at some point parents will need to discuss an issue with a teacher. As in any professional relationship, there is a certain protocol for approaching your child's teacher with concerns.

Discuss the situation with your child first.

When the student comes home and expresses frustration or disappointment, have him explain the situation. Get the background information from his perspective about when the problem started, how he feels the teacher is handling it, and what he thinks needs to be done next. Try to get as much detail as you can to understand why your child is experiencing the problem so that you can make an informed decision about how to discuss the concern with the teacher.

Write a note to the teacher.

With so many students to teach, the teacher may not even be aware yet that your child is having a problem with some specific area of his studies. Sending a note with your child will let the teacher know about your concerns and give her the opportunity to work with the student individually and make suggestions as to how you can help at home. If further attention is needed, the teacher may respond by scheduling a conference to discuss the situation.

Respect the teacher's time.

Classrooms operate on a tight schedule. If you want to discuss your child's problem with the teacher, call the school office and leave a message so the teacher can get in touch with you during non-teaching hours. Even when the teacher is not in the classroom, she has a schedule for carpool duty, lunchroom supervision and playground duty. Although she is outside of her classroom during these times, her attention should be on the safety of the children. By arranging to meet during planning time or after school, the teacher can give you her complete attention and focus on your child's particular situation.

Have an open mind.

Sometimes, in frustration, a student can convince the parent that his teacher does not care about him or is even "picking on" him. Before taking on the Mama Bear role of protecting your student from the big, bad teacher, consider both sides of the situation. Approach the teacher as a professional who cares enough about children to spend many hours a week doing lesson preparations, teaching classes and grading papers. View the teacher as your ally and find ways to work together to help your child succeed. As in any relationship, avoid putting the teacher on the defensive by making accusations that may be based on one person's opinion-even if that person is your child.

Find a resolution.

Once you have met with the teacher, if you feel that the problem still is not resolved, schedule a meeting with the principal or coordinator and the teacher. It is often helpful to have a third party listen to the concerns and help the parent and teacher reach a solution.

Encourage your student to respect his teacher and to express his concerns to her. Then when a problem arises, there has been a foundation of trust established that will make solving the problem easier for everyone.