How to Argue Without Fighting in a Relationship

In my opinion is not pride that makes people fight instead arguing, it's their fear. Fear of being hurt. This fear comes from a very deep and strong kind of selfishness. The first thing we need to learn is to respect and trust ourself and our partner. It's really important to have a little faith. Let's have this clear on our minds: our partner doesn't want to hurt us on purpose. Having this in mind let's go on.

The second thing we need to work on is argumentation. Do this exercise: take a piece of paper, think about anything you want to do and try to find out why do you want to do that. Write down on paper all those things. Now read it loud. If you convinced yourself that the thing you were thinking about is good, well, go to the next level and try this with someone else. "I want it this way" or "It's because I said so" are not arguments. Crying or yelling are not arguments either. Try to control yourself and your voice. I've known some people who were talking very low, and everybody was listening to them. Remember: you don't have more authority if you yell. You just look much weaker, that's all.

Try to be objective. If your partner is right, do it his/her way, or ask for a time to think about. Another thing: don't think out loud. Think in your brain, and when you have a conclusion say that loud. Try not to use many words to say what you want. Try to be clear. You can try sometime to speak about something and record what you've just said and then listen to the recorder. How does that sound? Complex and hard to understand? Make it simple.

Keep your word, even when you have to loose. And remember: take a big breath and count to ten and then start talking. It helped me!