How to Ask a Girl Out: Ten Simple Tips

This article is for all you guys out there who either have difficulty asking a girl out or are finding your technique could use a little polish. While it's true that times have changed and we now have "hook-ups" and various other entanglements, and sometimes the girls ask the guys, it's also still true that most relationships still start out with the guy making the first move. Below is a list of ten things to keep in mind when considering making yours.

1 - Grow some. There is just no getting around the fact that in order to ask a girl out, you have to actually work up the nerve to do it. Some guys have no problem walking up to a girl and simply asking her out. Others however, shrink in terror at the very thought. If you fall into this category, you might as well stop reading, because everything else hangs on this one basic tenet. While it's true she might say no to whatever you have in mind, it's also true that she might say yes. Doing nothing on the other hand will pretty much guarantee many a night alone with nothing but your video games to keep you company. In short, dig deep down, find some courage and pull it out. You're going to need it.

2 - Manage your approach. Once you've made up your mind to ask a girl out, you have to asses the situation. First, is she someone you know? Is she a complete stranger? Is she someone you see occasionally at a bar? The means by which she's become a possible target of your date request should most definitely affect the means by which you actually ask her. If she's a complete stranger for example, simply walking up out of the blue and tapping her on the shoulder might be cause for her to be alarmed. Not a circumstance conducive to saying yes to a total stranger's date request. If she's someone you already know, you might consider trying to arrange a situation that is different from where you normally see her. In short, it's best to give the girl some fair warning that she's on your radar. This will give her some time to consider you as not just a stranger or a person she sees in the elevator at work every day, but as someone who is interested in her.

3 - Get to know her a little first. Despite what you see in movies, most girls are not that receptive to being asked out on first sight. They have brains. They know you're only asking them out because of how they look. This is generally not the basis for a good date. If you happen to be movie star good looking, the odds might work in your favor. Most are not. Therefore, if you want to ask a girl out, get to know her a little first. Show some interest in some of her other qualities. Find out who she is and if she's someone you feel like you want to get to know better. These are the sorts of things girls respond too. Guys too, right?

4 - Tailor your request to the situation. Regardless of how you've managed to cross paths with a girl in your sites, it's always a very good idea to tailor your request to the situation. For example, it's difficult at best to ask a girl to dinner at a crowded noisy bar. Instead, you might ask her to chat with you in a more quiet locale, such as near the bathrooms. Or as another example, it would be extraordinarily awkward to ask a girl out during a business meeting or in front of her colleagues. Instead, if it's a one time possibility, you might discreetly ask her if you might call her later. Remember, women have feelings too, you don't want to put her on the spot or make her feel vulnerable.

5 - Be strong, brave and coherent. But also be polite. If you decide to ask a girl out, don't be hesitant. Practice what you're going to say beforehand if you have to, but make sure you know before you open your mouth what you are going to say. Make sure it's something that no one could possibly construe as offensive. While you're at it, try to make sure it's something honest as well. Forget the come-ons and one liners. Those only work in very special circumstances. The best approach is almost always the simplest. Just tell her in your own words what exactly it is about her that has caught your eye and then ask her to go out with you. Very simple.

6 - Be specific. Along with simple is being specific. Asking someone if they'd like to go out with you "sometime" is weak at best. If you're going to ask a girl out, make sure you have something in mind. It doesn't have to be dinner and a movie, or any of the other conventional dating scenarios. This is why it's best to get to know the girl a little first. If she's vegan for example, it might be awkward asking her to dinner at all. Or if she works at night, you might find it challenging to get a yes to anything but breakfast. The bottom line here, is, if you ask a girl out, be very clear as to what you are asking. There are actually two things you need to make clear. The first is that you are in fact asking her out. As in a boy/girl date sort of thing. Asking her if she'd like to drop by a party that you and your friends are having is not asking for a date. Neither is asking if she'd like to join you for lunch with your buddies at work. If you want a date, ask for that. The second thing you have to make clear is where you would like to take her and what will happen there if she says yes. Dinner out is pretty clear, but asking her to a wine tasting might be a little iffy. Women need to know things that men don't think about. If she's considering going out with you, she's also going to be wondering what to wear, for example and whether there will be other people around in case you turn out to be an axe murderer. If you want the girl to say yes, be clear, specific and if you can muster it, maybe a little charming.

7 - Divide and conquer. It's almost always better when asking a girl out, to do so in relative privacy. If you want to ask a girl out, catch her away from her clique. This way she won't feel the eyes of her friends judging you, or her. It also would make things a lot easier for you. Asking someone out is hard enough, doing so with an audience just makes it harder.

8 - Use the phone dummy. Or e-mail, or text messaging etc. It's acceptable now, especially if you have little opportunity to run into her, or to find her for that matter. Once again, getting to know her helps. There are very few if any girls that will agree to go out with someone based on a random text message. In general, it's more appropriate if she's given you her number herself, than if it's been passed on to you second hand. Likewise, it's even more appropriate if the two of you already send messages back and forth.

9 - Workplace etiquette. There is always, and should always be, a separate category regarding asking someone to go out with you from the place where you work. Granted, it depends on how closely the two of you work together. Simple working at the same corporation doesn't really count. If you share a cubicle, it's going to make a lot of difference regardless of whether she says yes or not. Just as with dating an office or co-worker there are dangers and pitfalls when asking someone out. Consider the situation carefully and be sure it won't cause problems for either of you. Once you're sure it would be okay, then, and only then, proceed as you would when asking anyone else out.

10 - Be realistic. Not every girl is going to go out with you. That's just the simple facts. We live in a society where everyone judges everyone else. Girls generally have some sort of standard regarding what guys they will go out with and conversely what guys they won't. Sometimes it's as superficial as how someone looks. Other times it's a matter of chemistry. And other times still, there are deeper issues, such as religious or political philosophy. It's up to you to do your homework, which means, getting to know the girl. Does she date guys that look like you? That act like you? Maybe you're too short for her, or too fat. Be practical. Yes, it's possible that a beautiful girl with a body to die for might say yes to your request, but it's also doubtful unless you have something pretty special to offer yourself. You have to take into consideration who you are, not just who she is. There has to be some common ground. On the other hand, if you're a risk taker, there is nothing to say you shouldn't try. If you're not afraid to get shot down or think you have something others don't, then maybe she'll see it too. It wouldn't be the first time. But remember, after all is said and done there, there is still the sad possibility that the girl you actually ask, might say no. This is sad, but not cause for suicide. Learn from it and move on. Don't let being turned down stop you from asking someone else.

These ten simple tips for helping in asking a girl out are meant for guys that have had trouble with this in the past or are finding they are striking out more often than not. If you take these simple tips to heart, your odds of success should improve. I wish you all the luck in the world.