How to Ask Your Spouse for a Divorce

Telling you husband that you want a divorce may be one of the hardest conversations that you may ever have to have in your entire life. The best way to tell your husband that you want a divorce is with as much kindness and compassion as you can muster. Chances are that by the time you get to the point where you are asking for a divorce you are most likely going to feel angry and defeated and disappointed. It is possible that you may also feel that for the first time in years that you are free, that you are claiming your life and your future. All of these feelings are normal and all of them are OK. What you need to remember is that when you ask your husband for a divorce he too is going to feel a whole bunch of feelings and they may come in waves or all at once. Be prepared because the reality is that you may have a good idea what to expect when you ask your husband for a divorce but until you actually have the conversation you are not going to know how he is going to react.

You want to pick a time and location that respects your spouse and respects the relationship that you had and if children are involved will continue to have. It is very likely that the tone of this initial conversation will set the tone for your entire divorce proceedings so I state again be kind. Your husband may have questions. If the questions are respectful and you feel comfortable answering them then answer. Make sure that your answers are honest. If you are not comfortable answering any questions you do not need to respond. Let your spouse know that you might be able to answer his questions in a few days or weeks or months but today you need to limit the conversation to the topic at hand and that topic is that you want a divorce.

If you have already spoken to a lawyer listen to your lawyers advice but tell your husband that you have a lawyer. It might also be helpful to have some support and resource materials handy for your husband. If you are seeing a therapist telling your husband in a therapy sessions may be the best place to break the news. The therapist should be able to help both of your process the information and the feelings. A good therapist will be able to help both of you not just your husband. It is never easy to ask for a divorce and the asking is just the beginning of the process. But if you want a divorce and you no longer love your husband and feel that divorce is the only option available then move forward. It is not fair to yourself or your husband for either one of you to stay in a marriage that is no longer working. Good luck and as you move forward try and remember that while you may be getting a divorce you once loved this person to walk down the aisle with him so honor yourself and your husband and your marriage by being as dignified and honest and kind and reasonable as possible.

(As a caveat I want to say that if you are in a relationship where there is violence or has been a history of violence then you need to make sure that you take steps to protect yourself and your children. Speak to a domestic violence counselor. Get some therapy before you ask for a divorce. Have a safety plan in place. This article is not for women who are in violent or destructive relationships. Asking for a divorce when you are in a violent relationship is a totally different ballgame and you need to make sure that you have spoken to professionals and that you have plans in place that will ensure your protection)