How to Assist the Eldarly with Bereavement

Bereavement means, "to be deprived by a death". Deep within every human being's soul, we all know that death is a part of life. In fact, the death of a loved one brings meaning to our very existence as humans, by reminding us how precious life really is. The loss of a loved one is one of life's most stressful events, especially when the death is a spouse whom the survivor has spent a lifetime with. When we lose a spouse to death it takes a tremendous emotional toll on the mind, body and soul. When a death of a spouse happens, we will have a wide range of emotions, even if the death was expected. There is no order in the bereavement process and when you're assisting an elderly family member to coupe with the death of their spouse it can be a very trying time, not only for the one who has lost their life partner, but those family members that are there to help with the grieving process will often find it difficult to get through to the surviving spouse.

After learning of a spouse's death the first emotion we have is usually a profound numbness. This is a very common reaction to the death of a spouse, especially in seniors when you had a 50 to 60 year relationship; it is hard to let go. Most seniors who loose their spouse will say they want to die as well and these emotions need to be watched carefully and some seniors may need assistance from a therapist or grief counselor to get through this very trying time. Below is a short list of some of the most common emotions and feelings one can have after the death of a spouse.

Despair- the senior feels an overwhelming feeling of loneliness as if there is no hope left.

Shock- often with seniors the shock of a spouse is so profound that they cannot cope at all.

Denial and disbelief- some seniors just can't take the loss and will become delusional and think their spouse is still alive.

Anger- they feel that their spouse left them alone and they will actually curse them.

Guilt- the surviving spouse will sometimes feel that they should have done something to prevent the death and take on all kinds of guilt.

These emotions are completely normal reactions to the death of a loved one and no human is ever prepared for the intensity of these emotions or the duration in which they last. As family members, how can we help? The first step is the mourning process. Mourning the loss- we as family members are on the outside and need to pull ourselves into their emotional state of mind and let them know that mourning their spouse in remembrance will bring us peace with the death. A lot of people will try to separate themselves from the pain of their loss, this is not healthy and we need to assist them in understanding that one cannot avoid mourning and grieving forever.

We need to be available for our senior loved ones on a full time basis while they are going through this very trying time or until they have accepted and come to terms with their loss. The elderly are so vulnerable during the loss of a spouse due to the loss of a lifetime of shared experiences and struggles. Instead of allowing the surviving spouse to shove their feelings aside, we as family members need to show remembrance and share our memories and stories that we have about the one who died; by doing this we let the surviving spouse understand that death is life and a life remembered will live on through us forever.

Sometimes with the elderly they will have severe emotional reactions to the loss. These reactions include chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety attacks, and suicidal thoughts. Some will develop an obsession with the deceased. All of these profound emotional states require some type of medical treatment, whether it is counseling or therapy with a Psychologist. Ignoring these emotions can be severely detrimental to your family members well being.

This article was written from my own personally experiences with death.
References for this article came from imissmydad.com and comfort-for-bereavement.com