How to Avoid Being a Female Victim of Violence

Girls and women are often taught to be polite to men who seek to engage them in conversation, but that isn't always the wisest course of action in some situations, according to Gavin de Becker, a three-time presidential appointee and author of "The Gift of Fear".

Female safety can be compromised by trusting and interacting with the wrong male. There are 7 survival signals that can aid women of all ages in knowing which man they are dealing with before it's too late, according to de Becker.

Survival signals can be broken down into these 7 categories: forced teaming, charm and niceness, too many details, typecasting, loansharking, the unsolicited promise and discounting of the word "no".

Survival signal #1: Forced teaming

A female knows she is in the presence of a man who is attempting to use "forced teaming" when he uses the "we" word inappropriately.

If you've only just met the man on the street or in a building and he is trying to act as if you are a team in a joint undertaking, it should be a cause of concern to you.

He shouldn't be saying, "What are 'we' going to do about your hungry cat upstairs?" as he tries to get you to let him carry your groceries into your home for you.

Survival signal #2: Charm and niceness

Charm and niceness are touted as attributes you want in a man, but unsolicited niceness isn't.

Unsolicited niceness -- like a man offering to help you put your groceries in the trunk of your car in a dark parking garage when you didn't ask for his help -- is the dangerous "niceness".

Charm can be equally dangerous, and it can be done with a smile or a flattering word to get you to let down your guard.

Be cautious about approaches made in isolated areas when the man is smiling or attempting to interact with "unsolicited niceness", as most men would know you are "on your guard" at a time like that and not want to appear too threatening by even approaching.

Survival signal #3: Too many details

"Too many details" is a technique some con men use to get you to focus your attention on the information they are giving -- and isn't needed -- so you will not focus on why they have suddenly appeared in your apartment building without aid of a key, a neighbor or purpose, or next to you in a deserted elevator, parking garage or other isolated area.

Honest people don't fill the air with unnecessary words. They don't have to. They know that what they are saying is believable. Con men add details to try to get you to feel "safer" and to trust them. The more you hold back from them or appear to doubt what they say the more they will try and calm you and reassure you so they can take advantage of you.

Survival signal #4: Typecasting

Men who label you in a critical way that you've just recently met can be attempting to get you to "prove them wrong". He may typecast you by saying, "There's such a thing as being too proud," when you've just rebuffed his offer to carry your groceries to your car for you. Stand your ground and don't try to "prove" anything to him.

Survival signal #5: Loansharking

At some point in time you've likely encountered the guy who did you a favor, even if you didn't ask for it and tried to get them not to do it. This is an example of loansharking. Guys who seek to help you when you haven't asked for it want you to be in their debt. They want you to feel obligated to allow them to be around or to do what they might ask in the future. If you didn't ask for this man's help don't let him bully you into taking it.

Survival signal #6: Unsolicited promises

Another signal that the man in your midst could be attempting to victimize you is if he makes an unsolicited promise.

"I'll leave right after I put your groceries inside, I promise" or "I just want to help you get your things to your car, that's all, I promise".

Promises are not guarantees and the promises of strangers or even more meaningless. Don't be conned by the words "I promise".

Survival signal #7: Discounting the "No" word

Probably one of the biggest red flags is when someone refuses to take your "No" seriously. Do not waver in this one, as it will only serve to cause your potential victimizing male to push harder and to assume he can browbeat you or that you might make a good victim. Stand firm with your "No".

Do not attempt to negotiate with this person. Don't say things like, "I appreciate your willingness to help me carry my groceries, but let's see if I can manage it first." If you do, you are teaching them how to discount your "No" and manipulate you. Say "No," and say it forceful.

Reference: Gavin de Becker; "The Gift of Fear"; 1997; Dell Publishing; New York, NY