How to Avoid Being Involved in a Celebrity Sex Scandal: Invest in "Common Sense Insurance"

Sometimes I have to wonder what thoughts go through the minds of celebrities. Be it quarterback Ben Roethlisburger and rape accusations, Bret Favre allegedly sending sexually charged text messages and photos or another Lohan sex tape - do you ever kick back, throw your feet up on your desk and say, "Did they really think that wouldn't get leaked?"

While I disagree with some of the NFL's rulings regarding Roethlisburger and Favre it's hard to put up a fight for other celebrities that willingly throw themselves into the limelight. I hope teens and tweens are paying attention to all this; they could learn a valuable lesson. What you post on your FaceBook or Twitter accounts could come back to haunt you because you know, nothing is ever completely deleted from the internet.

If you are headstrong on the notion of videotaping your sexual conquests then at least back that up with something I like to call, "Common Sense Insurance". These are not things that will cause your brain to spontaneously combust or require hours of plotting, planning and execution. In most cases all you need to do is learn from the mistakes of others.

1."I'll never show anyone these pictures baby ..." Seriously? It's not good enough to just delete the photo off the camera, you also need to check the memory card and if you are using a cell phone, check the memory bank there. While you are at it, go to the Sent box of the text message module and see if it has been forwarded to others.

2. The "Tommy Lee And Pam Anderson" Mistake: If you are going to video tape a sexual romp then don't leave it in plain view. While Anderson and Lee both said that their tapes were locked in a safe, how great of a safe was it if someone was able to get in to it? Moreover, what else was in the safe?

3. Put On Your Game Face: Just because you are getting nasty behind closed doors doesn't mean you have to look like a dog. Even Paris Hilton looked rather charming when she was caught on tape with Rick Salomon; on a side note, I have seen the footage and Hilton is the epitome of the word "fishloaf".

4. Is It Really A Scandal? Some celebrities use sex tapes as a means of free publicity. Granted, that's usually not the best way to go about getting your name out there but even bad publicity is still publicity. Case in point: Dustin Diamond (Screech from "Saved By The Bell"). He wasn't attractive on the show and the sands of time have done nothing to improve things.

5. Party Like A Rock Star: Long gone are the days of trading sexual favors with roadies to get backstage passes. If you want to get to the headliner you have to up your game. This is also a prime example of how things that happened years ago can resurface - just as Kid Rock, Gene Simmons, Bret Michaels, Vince Neil and Tommy Lee.

6. Destroying The Fantasy: Sometimes you have an image of a celebrity locked deep in the dark recesses of your mind. You think of them as this massively sexual being that will make your insides melt with one single touch. Then you Googlethem and find a sixty second clip of them having sex and all that is destroyed. You see them in an un-retouched, non-Photoshopped stance that sends an icy shiver down your spine.

What can you do if you are innocently (and I use that word loosely) caught up in a celebrity sex scandal? Again, learn from what you have seen. You can ask for an injunction to block it from being distributed, go along for the ride and profit from it or exact vengeance on the person that leaked it. The sad thing is that even if you get an injunction to block mass distribution of it, chances are it will still show up online somewhere - even if it is a snippet of the main event.

Most celebrities rebound from their indiscretions; Hugh Grant, Tiger Woods, Colin Farrell and even Traci Lords have all overcome their slightly tarnished past. From a bystanders point of view you have to wonder if these so-called "celebrity sex tapes" are really what they are touted to be. Are they really sex tapes or simply a publicity stunt. Ten years ago it was shocking to have someone post naked photos of someone on the internet; now that isn't even a flash in the pan.

Personally I'm waiting for the next generation of celebrity flesh peddlers to come up with something new. Breasts are breasts, they might come in different sizes and shapes but they are all the same. Give me something unique and I'll gladly follow you on Twitter. Do I feel sorry for celebrities? No. Not at all. They traded their privacy for money and fame. If they are foolish enough to video tape their sexual conquests or take pictures of themselves in compromising positions then they need to learn from it and not do it again (cough Pam Anderson cough).