How to Avoid Exercise

Thanks to most current medical research and analysis, we are all very much aware of the evidence supporting the value of physical exercise. All forms of media tout the value of running, walking, hiking, tennis, badminton, etc., as means of improving our physical and mental states and extending our lives. But it seems to me that in a world of conveniences and ingenious gadgets, we may need to develop new methods for avoiding this exercise on a creative basis.

Strategy one: Hire someone to do it for you. On any morning you're likely to find some joggers in your local park or green belt. It should be quite simple to offer them a nominal amount to jog a few miles for you without your having to exert the effort and damage to your hairdo.

Strategy two: Never buy a dog. Dogs require walking and this is quite a bit of work. Cats are good alternatives because they seldom need exercise. Goldfish are even better.

Strategy three: Buy a ranch home or rent a ground floor apartment. If it's absolutely necessary to rent on a second or third floor, make certain that there is an elevator.

Strategy four: Buy workout clothes. Wear them around the house and convince yourself that getting them on in the first place is a serious effort, worthy of being considered exercise.

Strategy five: Invent a disease for yourself. Arthritis is always good because it's invisible but universally understood. If friends or relatives ask you to join them for jogging, hiking or horseback riding, you'll be unavailable and eventually they will quit asking.

Strategy six: Badger your loved ones to drop you at the door of a restaurant, store or other venue rather than parking and walking. The less leg motion you need to expend, the better.

Please note: These comments are only the thoughts of this writer and are not condoned or encouraged in any way by any medical reports, opinions or professionals. They should not be considered as serious recommendations but are offered strictly as a comedic commentary.