How to Avoid Overstaying Your Welcome

When you're out and about during the holidays, and you're staying with family, there tends to be a feeling, after a week or so, that perhaps you may be "overstaying your welcome." Here are a few ways to avoid feeling as though you have done so, and to ensure that your family and friends will be looking forward to your return.

First, be sure that when you are staying in somebody else's home that you pick up on some of the less demanding chores. Be careful, though. Some people are extremely picky in what needs to be done and how it ought to be done. For example, my wife has some dishes that absolutely, under no circumstances, must ever see the dish washer, lest they (and whoever put them in the dishwasher) see their untimely demise. Therefore, doing the dishes may not be such a good idea, unless you know yourself and your host well enough to know which dishes can be washed via the machine and which should absolutely be washed by hand and with the utmost care. There are other things you can do, however that don't require as much care, like taking out the trash, picking up after yourself, and helping with dinner or offering to bake a delicious dessert. Most people will jump at the chance of allowing you to give their family a little extra treat, as long as you have bought the necessary items to spoil them with.

Second, always - always - always buy your host or hostess a small thank you present for allowing you to stay in their home. Be it a bunch of flowers from a nearby florist, a box of chocolates, a good bottle of tequila, or a beautiful wine carafe, a small present costing $100 or less, that shows your appreciation for their allowing you to stay with them, will always be a welcome treat and they will appreciate it more than you may guess (unless you've had guests who offered nothing in return for their stay at your home, in which case you probably understand perfectly what I'm talking about). Remember, you could be staying at a hotel and then you'd be paying out the nose for a room and would have no pre-made coffee and breakfast to wake up to every morning.

Third, offer to take them with you when you go out to explore the town you're visiting. They may need a hand finishing a few chores first, or they may simply not be able to, but if they are able then the chances are that they need a breath of fresh air and will be more than willing to show you around to some of their favorite places in their home town. Remember, some your favorite spots in town are spots you probably rarely get a chance to visit due to work and home obligations. If somebody offered you a chance to get out and visit it with them in a stress-filled time like the holidays, it may be just the thing to take the edge off. And if you don't offer and they do need it, chances are there will be an even less patient host or hostess awaiting your return that afternoon or evening.

Fourth, and last, pick up on the grocery bill. They're not cooking for just their own, immediate family if you're in town and you cannot expect another family to pick up your vacation bill. Ask what is on the menu for dinner that evening, and then offer to pick up the grocery shopping. Telling them that you're going to the store anyhow will make it easier for them to accept and if they insist on giving you cash to compensate your efforts, don't argue. Take the money, and then return it discretely when you get back to the house. Explain that you used your card and lost the receipt and that there was no way to tell how much the specific items they asked for had cost. Wink and tell them that they can pick up the bill next time. They'll appreciate it and love you for it and will most likely not offer money the next time you offer to go grocery shopping for them. And heck, if they do, just play the same game the next time around. Don't argue, don't make it a big deal, and don't allow others to see your "sacrifice." You're doing this because they deserve it, not because you think they cannot afford it. If you make it a scene, your host or hostess will feel as though you think they're too poor to buy dinner and that can get embarrassing and/or ugly. And that's never good.

If you follow these pieces of advice, I can almost entirely guarantee you that you will be invited back again and again and that those whose homes you stay in will appreciate your presence more than they will be stressed by it. Pay attention to the things that they seem to need or state that they love or believe that they deserve. The golden rule, of course, applies here as it does in most places. Treat people as you would have them treat you. You will find that your friends and family will be eager for your return.