How to Get Back at Telemarketers

These all came from my brain, I am not copyright infringing on anything that I know of so if you have seen one of these before please contact me and I will take it off.

1. When you answer the phone and he identifies himself as a telemarketer say, "Hello, Joseph Stalin speaking."

2. Haggle the price.

3. Say hey (the name they give) did I ever tell you about the time I ate the whole large bucket of popcorn at the movies twice?

4. Ask them if they know they are disturbing a funeral in progress.

5. Go on the internet and tell them their competitors' prices. If they are not cheaper, say that they are.

6. Eat crackers or crunchy cereal and ask them to repeat what they just said, repeat every 10 seconds.

7. Offer to trade your soul for whatever they are selling.

8. Ask them if they take Monopoly money.

9. Constantly change languages in the middle of speech. If it is only a few words, so be it.

10. Say very clearly after a few minutes of conversing, "I'm sorry, I don't speak English." And hang up

11. Offer to sell them Pokemon cards or other junk you have lying around for half their price.

12. Insist that he is "the person outside on his cell phone" and tell him to knock it off because you can see him.

13. Start ordering a pizza from them in the middle of the call.

14. Pretend he is your old buddy from 4th period science class.

15. Make random animal noises throughout.

16. Deny that you heard anything from #15

17. Constantly refer to him as "mortal".

18. Ask him/her out on a date, no matter what gender you are.

19. Ask him what he had for lunch and then ask if you can have the leftovers.

20. Ask him his favorite color and then say that that is a stupid color and 'magenta' would suit him better.

21. Tell him his future.

22. Ask him if he is available to baby-sit tonight. Offer 3 dollars for the night.

23. Ask him if he practices abstinence.

24. Tell him that his accent isn't fooling anyone, that you can tell he is from Zimbabwe.

25. Ask him how much he can bench and say that your 12 year old daughter can bench 30 pounds more.

26. Ask him to quote his entire policy on anything.

27. Invite him to the opera with you tonight.

28. Say, "You have something in your teeth."

29. Tell him to take a breath mint.

30. Offer to sell him some breath mints for the exact same price he is trying to sell you something for.

31. Tell him if he wants his loved one back, to hang up now.

32. Play your favorite song from "The Master of the Puppets" album by Metallica into the phone.

33. Tell him that nothing is real, it is all a matrix, and therefore, this phone call is non-existent. Hang up.

34. Laugh and say great joke. Hang up.

35. Ask him how he got The White House's number.

36. Tell him to send the bill for whatever it is he is selling to 1616 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington D.C.

37. Ask him if he wants to know how you got "these scars" -- The Joker from Batman.

38. Ask him if his visa expired yet.

39. Constantly change the subject back to Teletubbies.

40. Tell him to hold on while you go get a soundboard ready. Play responses that have nothing to do with the conversation.

41. Ask him if he called to talk you out of suicide.

42. Tell him you will take the offer and that you will have 20 G's in the alley behind Mickey's.

43. Insist that he is Mr. Sandman and ask him to bring you a dream.

44. Go through the entire list of Snapple Facts and ask him which his favorite is.

45. Ask him if he knows what the formula for area of an equilateral triangle is. Brag later that you know it is rad 3/4 S^2

46. Ask him if he got the horrible news from "them" yet.

47. Give him a CIA assignment. Ask him to execute the plan at 1700 hours.

48. Ask him to tell your master not to whip you anymore.

49. Play a barnyard animal noise guessing game with him.

50. Play Led Zeppelin and ask him if he thinks your garage band is good.