How to Bath a Baby Dragon

You've just brought home your first baby dragon. First, you should know that a baby dragon is called a druppie. They are not called draglings, no matter what Steve may have told you. Like a good owner you let your druppie outside to pee. Within minutes of being let out of the house the druppie managed to find some mud or garbage or lava pit to roll in. Am I right? So now you need to clean your druppie.

You soon find that baby dragons don't like to be cleaned. However, you aren't to be deterred. Being OCD, your animals must be clean even if they are mythical. You figure that there's got to be a way to clean the druppie without it ripping your eyeballs out of your head or reducing you to a pile of ash. Well you're in luck. Just follow these 10 steps and you'll have a nice, shiny baby dragon without ever having to visit the emergency room.

Step 1

Buy a fireman suit

There's nothing as flame retardant as the suits firemen wear. You should have bought this the day before you bought the dragon. However, druppies are often an impulse buy and it's fact that ninety percent of all humans are procrastinators. So don't feel bad. Go buy one now.

Step 2

Locate the druppie soap.

You'll need this nearby before you begin. Trust me.

Step 3

Supervision is a plus.

Contact your local magician. He or She will come in use for a various druppie related problems. You'll especially need a magician the first time you try to bath the druppie. The druppie doesn't know you well yet, and therefore is more likely to get cranky. Cranky druppie equals claws in your eyes. A magician has magical mystical ways of calming grumpy druppies. Don't ask me what they are. They're mystical and not to be known by mere average mortals.

If there is no magician available you can contact the local physic, or even a psychiatrist. If nothing else get Fred, the guy who does card tricks on the street corner for a nickel. Supervision is the key. A body skilled in dialing 911 is an underrated thing.

Step 4

Grab the druppie when it's sleeping or otherwise not suspecting.

You might think this tactic will anger your druppie. You are right. However, if it knows what's coming it'll flee. Try catching a fleeing dragon. NOT easy.

Step 5

Throw the druppie in tub of water

Step 6

Grab the druppie soap that you had close at hand

See, you needed that soap within arm's reach because the other arm is busy keeping the front set of claws out of your eyes.

Step 7

Jump back to prevent from getting your eyes gouged out by the backset of claws.

Step 8

Rub the druppie down with soap.

Step 9

Rinse the druppie.

Step 10

Repeat steps 7-9 until the druppie is shiny. Use supervisor to subdue the druppie as needed. In the event the supervisor fails for any reason; RUN.

With the completion of these steps you have a nice clean baby dragon. Here's hoping that the druppie stays that way for more than five minutes. May your trips to the emergency room be few.