How to Bathe a Baby
A Warning Guide for New and Future Parents
2. Wonder what your husband / wife did with said tub (becuase it's never your fault - of course)
3. Locate said tub behind the cat
4. Seek out baby towel
5. Find said towel behind other cat
6. Fill baby tub
7. Decide water is too hot, and dump tub
8. Refill tub. Decide water is too cold. Dump
9. Fill water again, and hope it stays at the perfect temprature until you can place your baby bear in it
10. Place baby's towel on a flat surface
11.Place baby on the towel
12. Remove the part of the towel the baby is trying to eat from his fist
13. Remove baby's clothes, working around his fists that he is happily gnawing on again
14. Remove diaper
15. Wipe up the mess your baby left in his diaper just for you
16. Wrap baby in towel. Warning: This will always make your baby look too freakin cute.
17. Place towel wrapped bundle on flat surface near the tub.
18. Lift baby from towel, and place in tub.
19. Discover your baby has learned how to splash, and likes it. You discover you will also need a towel when this bath is done.
20. Convince baby that he still likes the tub.
21. Tell your cat now is not the time to jump on your back and play "Parrot"
22. Explain to your other cat that there is really not enough room for both it and baby in the tub
23. Grab washcloth
24. Open bottle of soap
25. Drop bottle of soap
26. Smile at baby through the pain of dropping a bottle on your foot
27. Apply soap to washcloth
28. Apply washcloth to baby
29. Convince baby he does not want to eat the washcloth
30. Take slippery baby out of the tub
31. Hold your breath that you don't drop him
32. Place baby safely on the towel, and wrap securely
33. Hold baby like a football
34. Really wish for an energy drink
35. While you were thinking about a "Rockstar," baby manuvered halfway out of his towel. Wrap him and hold him like a football again
36. Gently wet his head
37. Rub shampoo in
38. Marvel that shampoo is even needed for someone who is bald
39. Rinse off shampoo
40. Place baby on flat surface and rediaper. Note: If your baby is a boy, you can cheer if you got this far, and did not get squirted.
41. Place your baby in pajamas
42. Cross your fingers that baby will sleep through the night. You need some sleep after this.
Published by Tiger Cat
I live with my husband and two cats in the Wasatch Mountains (which are really gorgeous btw!!!) I am addicted to writing and hope to someday publish a novel, or own a production company (I really want to be... View profile
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