How to Become a Bad Driver

I drive almost everyday. Most people drive almost everyday. But, when I took Driver Education in my sophomore year of high school, I actually paid attention, if you can believe that. So, I would say that I know how to drive, and can do it pretty well as a matter of fact. A lot of people though can't drive. It's almost impossible for them and they seem to have this special "trait" in their genes. What I'm going to discuss is how NOT to drive properly. Now of course, this article is meant for humorous purposes, and by reading any part of it you accept that I'm not responsible for any actions resulting from reading this article. Let's continue.

I would say the best thing to do to help you suck at driving is talk on the phone, but most people already know that since they do it constantly. Especially if it's raining or snowing, you know, treacherous weather conditions that make simply driving alone dangerous.

That's a no-brainer. Here come some even better pointers.

Tailgate! This will help you improve your driving like you would not believe. True tailgating is when the person in front can't even see the other person's headlights. Although some people do this just for fun, others have to be somewhere fairly quickly (for example, they're running late). And no, they can't leave earlier. Like talking on the phone, combine this with rainy or snowy roads, maybe even in the dark, and you're set!

Another great tip, do not pay attention to the road. Obviously doing this will leave you prepared when driving, and of course you don't want that. Simple things like putting on your make up, reading the paper, and even changing the CD you're listening to all contribute to this great task.

One more thing that most bad drivers often overlook is the use of turn signals. You don't want to use those things! I mean, they alert other drivers what you're doing, keeping everyone informed when driving. What you want to do is when you come up to a turn, suddenly hit the breaks to slow down as quickly as possible, and then proceed to turn the wheel.

Other smaller tips are things like: failing to yield, using your high beams at night when you know very well you can see fine enough as it is, and either driving well under the speed limit, or well over it. Also, if you have your own turning lane, do NOT use it. Instead, stay in the straight lane to block the people behind you, and slowly proceed to take the turn.

If you can accomplish all of these, which surprisingly most people do already, you have now successfully become a horrible driver. Congratulations!