How to Become Close with Someone Who's Really Reclusive

Behind their shy, evasive exterior, many reclusive people are wonderful individuals who can offer a world of enjoyment and enrichment to your life. But making friends with such people can be difficult. It's simply not enough to make an effort.

Reclusive people require a different set of rules for befriending them. The same jovial, energetic means you employ for the boisterous sales staff at work probably will only send a reclusive person running.

Follow these tips for discovering the many joys to be had from making friends with a quiet, reclusive type.

Keep the pressure low
The overriding principle during your initial efforts to befriend a reclusive person should be to avoid any pressure. The reclusive person clings to a sense of control as a means of protecting themselves. To violate that mechanism is to probably send her running. Initially, try suggesting things you could do together, without any expectation for a firm commitment one way or the other.

Be persistent without being pushy
A reclusive person can't be expected to come out of their shell and accept your friendship right away. And she probably won't be bold enough to pursue you if you decide to back away early on. So hang in there. Don't be pushy, but keep making subtle attempts. And don't be hurt if she doesn't warm to you right away - reclusive people are often skeptical that anyone would be interested in them. You need to prove them wrong about that.

Put the other person in the driver's seat
Let her control what you will or won't do together. Offer a range of choices or suggestions, then step back and allow her to decide. By doing so, you give her space to maintain her comfort level, without obligation or pressure.

Be prepared to build the friendship at a different pace
As I mentioned before, reclusive people don't make friends in the same manner and speed as other people tend to. This is generally for very good reasons - often they've been hurt along the way. So don't expect them to accept you or welcome you as readily as others.

Accept the person for who they are
Finally, it's worth noting that trying to befriend a reclusive person can be frustrating at times. Things that are simple, no-brainer type decisions become more labored, more formidable with people who are reclusive. But there's little you can do about it. These sorts of personality traits are very deep rooted and are only likely to change through love and unconditional acceptance - the greatest gift you can give anyone. Yeah, that can take some work. But believe me, it can be worth it. One of my dearest friends is someone I would have never thought someone as chatty as me would warm to. And yet, given plenty of time, he has become a true ally - a positive force that I welcome in my life.