How to Become a Criminal Mastermind

I am not a criminal mastermind or an evil genius; nor do I play one on TV. However, I work everyday with people who aren't criminal masterminds or evil geniuses either, but they are criminals. I have watched them make mistakes for years, and I now feel that I can offer the budding entrepreneur a few tips on things to avoid.

1.
Commit your crimes one at a time. A local distributor of fine white powder products was making his delivery rounds late one Saturday night when the loud rap music coming from his SUV attracted the attention of authorities. Given the late hour and the music volume, the gentleman was pulled over to given a warning to lower the music, however once the license was run, it was discovered that the individual's driver's license had been revoked. When asked to step out of the vehicle, it was noticed that the man had a large open cup of beverage that smelled strongly of alcohol in the cup holder. At this point the vehicle is search and a large quantity of money, and what appear to be both rock and powdered cocaine are found.

2.
Be careful documenting less than legal activities. Some local go-getters were burglarizing a house when they came across a particularly nice video camera. They then proceeded to take turns taping their activities for the evening. They even videotaped themselves back home proudly displaying their newfound treasures. They continued this on their next few excursions, before tiring of the activities and pawning the camera, with the videotape still inside it. It was a short court hearing.

3.
Advertising is good, but avoid unnecessary attention. A local supplier of pharmaceuticals was rushing an emergency supply to one of his distributors who was apparently out of inventory and in great need, when he was spotted speeding, weaving in and out of traffic and blowing his car horn non-stop traveling up a major interstate. When the highway patrol officer pulled him over to see what was wrong, he discovered a much distressed gentleman trying to get his methamphetamine and cocaine to where it was badly needed.

4.
Exercise safety precautions to avoid unnecessary medical expenses. A recent local small-business person found a niche he was eager to fill. He discovered that he could appropriate metallic items, copper in particular, from places where they really weren't needed to local scrap metal recycling centers at a profit. Especially if the people who the copper items belonged to weren't bothered with any details. Late one night very recently 911, received a call about a possible victim of electrocution at an electrical substation. Law enforcement officers usually go out on first responder calls to help ensure the safety of the paramedics and make sure everything is on the level. The deputy arrive on scene first and was told by the gentleman's worried wife, that the man had "tripped" over a wire and then yanked on it only to receive a shock. The officer noticed a pair of bolt cutters and a knife lying near the man. The officer took the necessary field information then asked for permission to search the vehicle. He received it, searched and found a large quantity of wire similar to that the man had "tripped" over in the car trunk. A local employee of the electrical company arrived on scene and identified the wire as belonging to local substations. The man was taken to the hospital and then to the jail

5.
Try not to leave personal belongings behind. A gentleman became a little too infatuated with a local college girl and broke into her dorm and trapped her in the shower, where he planned to woo her whether she wanted it or not. Fortunately, another resident arrived before the man had really started the process and the man pulled up his pants and took off rapidly, leaving his wallet behind on the tile floor.

6.
Working with your significant other might seem like a good way to keep expenses down, but it can lead to complications. The proprietor of a local start up company, decided to locate his r and d and manufacturing lab at his girlfriend's daycare. The lab apparently stank, and parents complained. The complaints reached the ears of local deputies who investigated, arrested both people, got a search warrant, and took down a working meth lab.

7.
Know when to cut your losses. An Australian pedophile kept some of his treasured child porn on a USB jump drive. He lost the drive, so he went to the police to report it. I don't know exactly what the man told them he lost, but they were able to match his item with an item that was turned in. I don't know if a Good Samaritan had turned the drive in and the police had examined the contents to try to determine the owner, or if whoever found it had popped it into a pc to check out the contents and beat feet to the local police station, but the man was arrested. The Aussies may have a reputation for being laid back, but that doesn't extend to child porn. They searched the man's house and, of course, found even more of the stuff.

8.
Be aware of your surroundings. I did a report a year or so ago about a drug deal. The two parties met at a drug store to barter the deal. There were 4 people involved. Some money changed hands and two people went into the drug store and had a prescription for pain medication filled. They then came out and with expansive hand gestures and loud voices negotiated who got what. All the while a police officer was across the street, writing a traffic ticket with his lights flashing.

9.
There is such a thing as being too generous. A man was pulled over, I can't remember where, for a routine traffic matter and the officer was probably only going to give a warning, but he thought the items visible in the man's truck were interesting. They included power tools and a small safe. The man claimed to be going to his son's graduation and the items were graduation gifts. The officer called in the tags which came back on another vehicle. A second officer responded and an APB came back on a stolen vehicle matching the description of the pickup truck. The home of the trucks owner had been burglarized and the missing items included power tools and a safe. The man was place under arrest and the vehicle searched. A bag of cocaine was discovered under a seat which the man claimed was also a graduation gift for his son.

10.
Sometimes personal comfort must be sacrificed. A colleague of mine was doing a home visit on a known drug dealer. It was a hot summer day and the man's air conditioning must have been out as he had both doors open to allow a breeze through the house. It also allowed a clear view from the front door, or the man using a set of scales to get exactly the right amount of marijuana into each one of the baggies.