How to Become a Ninja the Thrifty Way

I've always wanted to be a ninja and I recently won a contest that netted me $100 so I decided I'd become a ninja on the cheap.

Training
I googled "how to be a ninja" and hit "I'm feeling lucky" (ninjas sometimes need a little luck; I'm halfway there) and got a wikihow page. So based on a quick glance over pertinent information, "A true ninja is not just someone who wears black, drops down from the ceiling and slices everyone to pieces." Whoops. So there's a bunch of crap about non-violence and stealth and honor. There's a part about katanas, though. I changed the laundry, warmed up a slice of pizza, and came back to my computer.
Cost: Free

Weapons
So I went to eBay and put in "katana blades." Nice Buy It Now set for 25 bucks. You can't beat that with a baseball bat. But I'm thrifty. I saw an even better deal. A freakin' twin blades dragon sword for $8. And it even comes with a sheath. The seller claims it is "100% brand new." I know you shouldn't put a price on your weapon, but I'm guessing this baby will appreciate in value in ten years, let alone defend me against the vampire coup I've dreamed about.
Cost: $8 + $25 shipping = $33

Digs
It's a good thing Halloween's around the corner. I can totally use some ninja garb to blend into night. And then watch out. Unfortunately, I can't cut a deal on this particular accessory. On eBay, I searched "xxl ninja costume" and only found one Buy It Now. It should arrive around the same time as my katana, which is sweeter than Winnie The Pooh drowning in honey.
Cost $33 + $10 shipping = $43

Lore
I had $24 left to spend and the ninja gods were smiling down on me. 50-movie-pack of martial arts films for $13 plus $10 shipping. Sold.
Cost $13 + $10 shipping = $23

A Test Of Endurance
Having one dollar to spend and waiting intensely for my traditional ninjitsu weapons, clothes, and study materials to arrive, I did some extra credit research. First, I bartered my barbells on craigslist for pirated copies of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show. And then I did some research on the internet again on making some ninja stars out of paper. Luckily, I had paper in my printer so the dollar was safe. I knocked down 2 bottles and I still haven't seen my cat.

Graduation
My vision quest had come to an end and after I snuck up on my mailman with a chainsaw (a true ninja improvises), he delivered my tools of the trade. The katana blade was as sharp as advertised and after applying a little Super Glue to the handle, she was a steady scimitar. The ninja outfit was more of an off-black, but it gets dark here pretty early. The kung fu movies never showed up, and I filed a complaint with eBay, but with much countenance. Once the sun went down, I slid in and out of darkness all the way to the local pizzeria, got change for a dollar, and settled into a Mortal Kombat 3 arcade, waiting for the first victim, until the owner called the cops and they maced me. Now I know what Sun Tzu was talking about.