How to Become a Pet Psychic in 5 Easy Steps

Have you always wanted to become a pet psychic? Do you feel like you're in tune with animals already, and you just need a little nudge to have a lucrative career? Have you always wanted to tell pet owners what Fluffy can't say out loud but seems obvious to you? Well, you might be a potential pet psychic!

The thing about pet psychics is that they probably don't have any super-secret magic powers. But they are good reading animals and humans for clues in solving problems. Here's what you can do to become a pet psychic, whether for your own amusement, or so you can charge rich people way too much money to read Fluffy's mind.

1. Learn as much as you can about animals.

A good way to figure out what an animal is "thinking" is by reading its behavior for clues. The more you know about animal behavior, the better pet psychic you'll become. For example, cats are incredibly clean animals by nature. If a cat is going to the bathroom outside the litter box, it means one of three things: the cat has a medical problem, the cat is upset at his owner, or there is something wrong with the litter box. Asking a few simple questions can help you figure out why Fluffy pees in the corner instead of in the box, and there's no real mindreading involved.

2. Learn as much as you can about how human psychics operate.

Becoming a pet psychic is a lot like becoming a human psychic. Every psychic (who doesn't possess real powers, anyway) knows how to convince a client they are able to read minds by performing a few simple tricks. For example, a customer's body language might tell you everything you need to know about a situation. Read up on non-verbal cues and psychology to get a feel for how people reveal things about themselves all the time.

Also understand that both human psychics and pet psychics have one thing in common: they both work for people want to believe you when you tell them things about themselves. The propensity for people to believe general statements about themselves is called the Barnum Effect. The Barnum Effect also explains why many people think their horoscopes are accurate indicators of their personalities and can predict daily events in their lives. Use this to your advantage.

3. Ask leading questions and make general statements.

Once you understand pet and human behavior well enough to get a "reading" on how animals and people are feeling, it's time to practice getting specific about where a problem might be coming from. First, you have to assume there's a problem. People don't call pet psychics because Fluffy is completely happy and healthy. That would be a waste of money.

To get to the root of a client's problem, you'll have to learn how to ask broad questions and make statements without it seeming like you're fishing for information. Here's an example: "I see a tall man that's causing Fluffy some distress. Does Fluffy have a tall man in her life?"

4. Let the client tell you what to say.

Becoming a pet psychic means becoming a good listener. When you ask about a tall man in Fluffy's life, does the client flinch? If so, you might suggest, "A sinister character, perhaps?" If you get an, "Oh, yes, my neighbor Sam is very tall," then you might lead the client further by saying, "And Sam interacts with Fluffy, yes?" Eventually, the story of the tall man will come out, and you were just fishing for clues.

The reason this technique works is because usually the client already knows what's wrong with Fluffy. Pet psychics do animals a favor by getting pet owners to admit that something is wrong, and that they've known it for awhile. If you make general statements and ask leading questions, the client will lead you in the right direction because the client is already thinking about what's wrong with Fluffy.

If you're not getting much information through asking general questions, try pausing for longer periods of time. Murphy Brown once said that the trick to getting a good interview was being silent for long enough for the interviewee to say revealing things. People are uncomfortable with silence, so if you wait, the client will tell you what you want to know.

5. Cover all your bases and always recommend veterinary care for potential medical problems.

Becoming a pet psychic has nothing to do with veterinary care. You will not become a pet doctor unless you go through eight years of college and a three year internship. What you will acquire by becoming a pet psychic is no more than a skilled party trick and an authoritative voice. Use your new knowledge about animal behavior for good and not evil. Tell your clients that vets are an important part of an animal's care, and that medical problems can only be solved by veterinarians. A check-up is always an excellent idea if Fluffy is behaving strangely.