How Being Fat Makes You Feel Safe

When I first started keeping a journal of my weight loss journey, it soon became clear to me that being fat must be working for me on some level. Otherwise, I would lose the weight. I knew how to successfully lose weight. I could tell you the calorie count of most foods. I could tell you all about metabolism and fiber and protein. I knew all the tricks of weight loss. I knew the importance of exercise. I could easily talk about the health issues that can arise from too much weight. Still, I remained fat. Even when I was successful at losing a few pounds, I would soon gain it all right back.

I knew that on some level being fat must be working for me, but was clueless as to what it could be. After all, there were so many things I hated about being fat. I hated going to specialty stores to buy clothing. I hated not being able to fit into the rides at the local amusement park. I hated not being able to comfortably wear a bathing suit in public. I hated getting winded from walking up a flight of stairs. I hated the stares and ugly comments about my weight.

I knew that my need to stay fat must be deeply rooted inside of me, and it was through journaling that I finally discovered my reasons for not losing the weight. In talking with other people struggling with their weight in a support group I was a part of, I soon came to discover that my problem was common. Almost everyone in the group knew how to lose weight, but remained fat. Hundreds of pounds had been lost and gained back within the group.

What was keeping us fat? What is possibly keeping you from losing the weight you know you need to lose? Here is what I discovered:

-Being overweight can keep you from living your life to the fullest. It is easy to stay stuck in your zone of safety rather than apply to your dream job or go back to school. You can always use the excuse "When I lose the weight I will ________". Just fill in the blank with your dream.

-Being overweight allows you to avoid intimacy. For me, my fat was a buffer between me and the world. I had been hurt in the past and I knew that if I did not let anyone close enough I would never get hurt again. Food was my friend. Therefore, I didn't need anyone else.

-Being overweight allows you to avoid your feelings. Food is a numbing agent that keeps you from feeling your sadness, your anger, your pain. I was always an emotional eater. If I was upset about something, sitting down with a bag of chips and a soda was all I needed to feel better...at least temporarily. As long as I was able to avoid my feelings, I was able to avoid myself and any problems that I might need to work on.

It is very important to come to the above realizations if you find yourself stuck in a fat body that you really don't want to have. When I faced these realizations, I was gradually able to move forward. Being fat is not just about calories, fat intake, or lack of exercise. Being fat is about who you are deep inside of your mind and spirit. Being fat enables the fear inside of you that keeps you from taking chances and moving forward in your life.

Take a good look inside of yourself. Start keeping a journal of your feelings as you are on your weight loss journey. Allow yourself to feel and be open to new experiences. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. In doing this you will become the beautiful human being that you were meant to be...both inside and out.