How Being Poor Helped My Marriage

Before getting married to my first and only husband, I took the time to check out every book available at the local library titled as a self-help guide to a happy marriage. Signs of increasing divorce rates endlessly worried me to double check my own seven year relationship with my future husband. Close friends and family members thought naturally that our relationship was perfect, without any moments of doubt or worries. Not until we become poor did I realize that our relationship was something stronger and more meaningful than the average day marriage. Being poor actually helped our relationship to become stronger and healthier.

Tending to over analysis things, my friends reassured me that my marriage would last. Some of the common risks that everyday marriages have to endure through are:
1. One member of the relationships' tendency to react strongly or defensively to problems and disappointments in life situations
2. Short relationship period
3. Financial differences
4. Parents who were divorced
5. Marrying at a young age
6. Living together prior to the marriage
7. Differences in lifestyles

The day came that we finally got married after a two year engagement period. Although the wedding did not go off as planned (does anyone's?) we had a picture perfect ceremony. Once we came home from our honeymoon, we were pushed back into everyday society as a married couple. Although nothing really changed, since we had lived together in the same apartment for one year, we felt as though something was in order to change - besides just the new jewelry on our fingers. A few months had passed and we were in marital bliss - I'm sure we made everyone sick around us since we were in that newlywed state. During these months, I was employed at a privately owned and run media company that was having some accounting issues. By issues, I mean not having the willpower to pay employees on time even though money was coming in.

Seeing that we were living off half an income, we decided that a change had to be made - I needed to quit my job that I was not getting a salary. It was upon our intentions to live off our "rainy day savings account" to get us by those harsh months of me seeking work. A few months passes and then a few more - and soon it had been six months with no quality job offers. Throughout that time though our marriage had been the best of our lives - remember we had dated for seven years so that is a large statement.

We realized that being poor actually helped strengthen our relationship. Yes, it is rather old-fashioned to have the wife bake the bread while the husband made the bread however it worked for us. Years of insulting the "June Cleaver" lifestyle had come around and been the link that tied our relationship together. During the months that I was looking for work, before I become a freelancer, my husband and I were given the chance to grow together rather than grow apart. Most nights we were given the chance to sit down at the table and eat a homemade meal. It was not the meal that was important, it was the conversations that were done during that time that actually helped us grow in understanding each other. Some other helpful cures of being poor were:

1. Our communication was strong. Since I was cooking dinner everyday, we were able to spend that extra time that is usually spent cooking or cleaning after work to talk. We sat and talked - there was no television on.
2. Financial Issues were handled. Since there was little money available, we watched every penny as it were a newborn child. It was important to talk about each and every little purchase together before any action was taken. By doing it this way, we were able to assure that we were both satisfied with how the money was being spent.
3. Our faith grew stronger in our relationship. So many times with a faster lifestyle, people forget about faith (either it be Buddhism, Christianity, or et cetera). Since we were not able throw money in the wind, we had our weekends free. We joined a church and started attending regularly. We both remembered who we were and where our faith was in our hearts.
4. Volunteering to make a difference. Since we were keeping our expenses to the bare minimum, we did not use money to fill our entertainment needs. We were able to help out others while filling our days without spending money. The people we helped were not only the ones whom benefited from our support but we grew as a couple doing it together.

We realized the time was well-spent being together and also being poor. There were so many things that we have learned while being poor that we still practice together. The most important part was that we grew to know each other and appreciate our differences while working together to make our marriage work. Marriage is not easy; it is something that needs lots of work.

My suggestion for this article is not to quit your job however take into consideration my experience and put it to good use. Try living without money for the month. Yes, pay the bills however place all your entertainment money in a separate account and stay home for a while. Try turning off the television, making a meal together, cleaning together and maybe volunteering together instead of going to the movies or going shopping. After a few weeks of this type of marriage, a strong tie will be created. After this "poor person's trial" communicate what the differences are in your marriage and try to incorporate the good parts into your everyday life. Money is not the solution to a marriage however it can be the divider. If after the trial has been completed and it does not work for you, at least some extra cash has been saved that can be put to good use. For most marriages though, this trial period will have a lasting impression.