How Being a Real Mom Reminds Me of My Favorite TV Moms

I would love to tell you that being a mother is as sweet and pleasant as being Margaret Anderson, (played by Jane Wyatt) on Father Knows Best. As she kindly cared for her family and tended to their every need, you'd think that being a mother is as divine as floating on a cloud of cotton candy in a sky of rainbows and butterflies. It seemed so nice, so gentle, so dear a job. It looked so easy.

June Cleaver (played by Barbara Billingsly) was a little more firm as she nurtured Theodore "Beaver" and Wally on Leave It to Beaver. She had a more authoritarian style. Personally, I was never very fond of her character. I found her to be nit-picky and overbearing, almost to the point of being annoying. She frequently whined to her husband, Ward, all of her mothering concerns and he quickly jumped to his feet to handle them. However, she must have been doing something right in that perfect little world of hers because her kids, Theodore and Wally, did seem to always make a wrong right and make a bad situation into a better one. As a mother of two young boys myself, I worry like she did, but I try to remember not to complain of my worries but instead to guide my kids the best I can with my husband's support. I don't give him the problems to solve. Instead, when I see a problem, I tend to it and he backs me up. I don't want him to ever feel like I am nagging at him to do something I am perfectly capable of doing myself.

For example, when my husband was swinging the boys on a tire swing, once it got to the point where I thought they'd likely get nauseated, I said, "Hey, you all want to come do the monkey bars with me?!" My husband got the hint, didn't take it personally, and stopped the swing. Off we rushed to the monkey bars. Although my hands are still sore from trying to do what I could easily do when I was ten, I was glad that the kids weren't complaining of sick bellies. June Cleaver would have likely pulled Ward away from the swing and said, "Ward, I'm worried that the boys might get sick from swinging so long." Then he would have had to say, "Yes dear" and slowed the swing to a stop.

Personally, my mother was more like Lucy Ricardo (played by Lucille Ball), one of my all-time favorite TV moms. She was funny and happy and wild as a red pepper. Although Lucy maintained her impeccable appearance as well as the mannerly 50's Mom, she struggled to be the perfect Mom more than typical 50's TV mom which kept us laughing for decades to come. She would be more likely to try the monkey bars, despite the faux-pas it would've been back then.

For me, it was easier to relate to the 60's mom. In The Flinstones, Wilma Flinstone (voice by Jean Vender Pyl) was so busy trying to deal with her husband, Fred, and helping him out of the messes he was always in, sometimes it was easy to forget Pebbles was in the picture. It's true that, as a mother, sometimes our focus on the kids is diverted by helping our husbands (or significant others or friends or jobs), and the child can easily be placed on the back burner. Wilma reminds me that not allowing myself to be distracted from the needs of my children has to be of high priority.

Carol Brady (played by Florence Henderson) was also another one of my favorite TV moms because she listened a lot to her children. Her good listening skills was one of her greatest gifts. When any of the six children in her clan had a problem, I remember he sitting with them and asking them how they felt about their situation and what they planned to do about it. Instead of pushing advice and solutions, she empowered her kids to solve their own problems. Then she praised them for their ingenuity. I always hoped I would bring that into my role as a mother. For me, it is difficult to hold my tongue and just listen. Asking my kids how they feel and listening to their responses, I believe, is one of the keys to being a great mother.

The 1970's TV moms were even more in tune with their kids. Even Carolyn Ingalls (played by Karen Grassle) on Little House on the Praire, which supposedly took place over a century ago, listened to her children. She listened and her character seemed to genuinely care about their trials and situations. She role-modeled such a kind, gentle, yet hard-working woman, that I found her to be one of my greatest role models. Nothing was ever perfect on the prairie. There were always terrible trials but she was the rock in her family and the constant. All of her children as well as her husband enjoyed her loving, tender strength that shines through genuine care and non-selfishness. What a standard for which to strive!

Marion Cunningham, (played by Marion Ross) on Happy Days was another favorite TV Mom of mine. She was not in the center stage and her behind-the scenes approach was a good one, I thought. As a child I demanded the spotlight, but as a Mom, I enjoy the spotlight being on my kids. As Marion did, I enjoy making sure the kids have healthy meals prepared for them and the knowledge that I will be there for him as a loving spirit of comfort.

My favorite 80's Mom has to be Marge Simpson (voice by Julie Kavner) on The Simpsons. The 80's allowed dysfunction families to enter the scene of mainstream TV. Marge has a husband who cares more about himself and his immediate needs at the expense of everyone in his family. Her children are all difficult kids. Bart is the punk rebel kid, Lisa is the brain who thinks out of the box and refuses to conform to the rest of society, and Maggie is the gun-happy baby. Marge has her hands full. Yet, despite all of the vast problems in her family, she maintains a positive outlook. She sees the glass as always being half-full and she counts her blessings. Like, Carolyn Ingles and Marion Cunningham, she is the emotionally stable rock in her family.

Jamie Buchman, played by Helen Hunt was the star of Mad About You in the 1990's, a show I loved because of her strong, but funny nature. She had confidence, knew what she wanted, worked as she wanted, and loved her family. She communicated her issues well and became a real person with real issues that was dealt with by real communication. It was a refreshing change. I loved her character because I love the idea of being able to do it all - be a good wife, a good mother, and a good business woman, and still take care of my own needs like exercising and having a hobby. She exemplified well-roundedness, something for which I constantly strive.

The 2000 TV Moms are as real as they come with problems that are as relative to every Mom in the country. Sharon Osbourne, for example, is the TV Mom on a reality show. She plays herself and is herself, for better or for worse. Rochelle Rock (played by Tichina Arnold), plays the part of a TV Mom who is strong, knows what she wants and won't let anything stand in her way. The 90's Moms are so confident in themselves despite their flaws that I want to yell out, "You go, girl!" We mothers, we know we're not perfect, but we love our families, and we struggle to find that nice balance between having our personal needs met and meeting our family's needs by being that strong, loving, listening, and honest constant on whom our families can always depend.

It will be interesting to see what the next decade brings. I feel proud of the progression of TV Moms. As unrealistic as they were in the 50's, humor still came through in I Love Lucy, and with time grew our strength, confidence, and hope for better, more fulfilling lives that empower our families to have the same.