How Can You Benefit from a Polygamous Marriage

"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four. But if you fear that you will not be able to do justly (with them), then only one ... "

(Quran 4:3)

"The best among you are those who are kindest to their wives"

Looking into the condition and Tafsiir of this verse we see that some are of the opinion that the ayah(verse) was revealed to our Prophet, peace be upon him, from Allah(swt) through Angel Jabril (Gabriel) after the battle of Uhud, in which Hundreds of Muslim men were martyred leaving behind widows and orphaned daughters.

This verse also was sent down to teach how one is to treat orphans and widows, not simply the permissibility of having up to four wives.

The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was married to his first wife Khadijah, peace be upon her from the age of twenty-five until fifty when she died. It was not until after her death that he took on multiple wives and based on history we know of the many benefits of him doing so.

The Prophet (puh) married Aisha (peace be upon her) his youngest wife and from that marriage he was able to provide her with such great knowledge to be passed on to other women that exists even today. Some of his other wives were widows, or women from other nationalities, and countries, and even other faiths. The prophet being our greatest example, lead a life in which to show the permissible and non-permissible things in Islam, and so he was a great example for men even today.

So that was hundreds of years ago, and yes we understand the possibilities of the benefits at that time, but what about now. Times have changed, and we are living in a modern society.

Polygyny is described as when a man is either married to or involved in sexual relationships with a number of different females at one time. This is the most common form of polygamy. Polygyny is practiced in a traditional sense in many Middle East and African cultures and countries today, including South Africa and most of Southern and Central Africa {1}

Today's statistics state that there are more women the men due to wars, gang deaths, men in prison, etc. The word population during the middle of this years was an estimated 6,602,224,175.{2}

According to a Census report in the year 2000, there were 138.1 million men and 143.7 million women in the US. {3}
That is even with a 14 percent increase from 1990; do to the drop in male deaths, Alhumdulilah (praise be to Allah), and the number of immigrants that have come to the US.

That is about 96.3 men for every 100 women. That is about four women for every man, but in 1980 there were about 94.5 men for every 100 women. That's about 6 women for every man.

Just as there were many benefits for women in a polygamous marriage during that time, there are many today as well.

1.If a wife is sick or disabled, or unable to have children such as the example we have in our Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) and the husband and wife want to remain together.

2. Women on welfare, left t raise their children alone.

3. Widows

Not only is the right to have four wives a right for a man, but it is also a right for a woman to have a co-wife as well.

There can be many benefits to women in such a relationship.

I remember watching an episode of Big Love, when the third wife stated, "When I married Bill I did not just marry Bill, but I married the entire family."

And that is the way marriage should be looked at, one marries the entire family of the individual in which he or she is marrying, but their Mother, their father, and even their co-wife.

Not being a co-wife myself, I wonder if I am missing out on some of the things that such a relationship has to offer.

A co-wife is a bond between to women, like sister who have the option to study their Deen together, raise their children together, support one another in life's ups and downs, provide one another advice and more.

Yes, women can share this bond without sharing a husband, but when one does share a husband I believe that bond, can be, and should be even that much stronger.

Being a co-wife can lighten your workload. In the US women are expected to work outside the home, take care of the hoe, and the children, and even more.

The Super Women that we are, we often are lacking ignore or the other, because this was not what Allah (swt) intended, for us to do it all, alone. The women's brain in fact is wired to find and create such a bond with other women, prior to having children, so that she has another to assist in raising her children etc. You can read more about this in my other article. The Female Brain.

With the help of a co-wife one can raise the children, and or maintain the home, one can work, or go to school, and help the other with cooking, cleaning etc. It's like cloning yourself.

Imagine the possibilities. Women may not be able to handle all these pressures, in addition to nurturing a husbands needs, but if there were two of you just imagine.

Even in a case, such as you and a spouse have grown apart, and maybe your no longer in love, but decide to remain married for your children. This happens all the time. Perhaps you would like the maintenance that a spouse has the right to, but perhaps want to focus a little o yourself without feeling guilty. Work full time, take on a hobby, go back to school etc. With a co-wife in the picture she can assist you with keeping your husbands needs met, while you still receive the benefits and security that a marriage may offer. Maybe a co-wife is what you need to keep you on your toes. Make sure that you are being your best as a wife, nothing like a little competition to get you proving to yourself. You may find yourself even doing more for your husband knowing that someone else is in the picture. Maybe it can also offer a since of change, and take away the repetitiveness in a relationship.

I'm not saying its for everyone, but there are great benefits if things are handle with maturity and with the right intentions.

With the number of women greater than men that leaves other options. Women can be the concubines, or girl friends of these men. They can be secret lovers, and baby mamas of these men. Ok, so the men have the ability to sleep with whom ever they like, not be responsible for her care, or the offspring they create together. She may file for welfare, and or child support etc.

So if you were placed in a situation of being a single mom, widowed wife, or divorcé would you think of the benefits that such a relationship could offer. It was the practice that the prophets of the Jewish, Christian, and Muslim faith share, sent down by our God in order to meet a need than, and there are many benefits in it now. Just look at the alternative options and tell me that is what you prefer.

"...He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts ..."
(Quran 30:21)

SOURCES CITED

{1} http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy#Polygyny
{2}http://geography.about.com/od/obtainpopulationdata/a/worldpopulation.htm
{3}http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,34078,00.html