How to Be Best Friends with Your Husband

For many of us, romance takes a back seat after a few years of marriage. Back in my young single days, I remember laughing at my married co-workers when they would discuss the "work" involved in keeping a marriage successful: "You have to work at your marriage," they would say. Any relationship takes some amount of work, but what was this great undertaking that was so crucial in marriage?

I decided that my co-workers were either lazy or lacked human instinct, and if I ever got married, it wouldn't be "work" for me. I would get married for fun, my husband and I would never take each other for granted, and every day would be just as adventurous and fun as it was when we were dating. You know what? I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

After a few months, those idealistic stars in my eyes became angry, peering, narrow slits, affixed on the sight of daily-occurring dirty socks on the floor, left by my husband each night. If not that, it would be the constant aggravation of the toilet seat standing at attention, and all the little things you never think about when you first get married. Given time, the little things can drive you crazy, and it works both ways.

It would seem sometimes that we had little in common, and during our dating period, I thought we had everything in common. Life became a routine for both of us. We began to laugh less, and spend little time together when our working schedules kept us apart. It just clicked in my head one day, and suddenly I knew now what all the "work" was about in a marriage.

It's not just the full-time jobs, keeping the house in order, and raising a family, it's also about carving out the time for your spouse. It's a subtle thing, you get so busy trying to build a home, you don't even realize it if you're forgetting about that one special person who is working right along beside you. I was truly guilty of this, and it took time for me to see it. At the end of a hectic day we would both be tired. The last thing I wanted to do was get romantic, I just wanted a hot bath and watch a good movie before going to bed. Balancing all it takes to build a home and keep the romance is truly hard work.

Every couple has to find out what works best for them. Experts recommend having a "date night," and this is one suggestion that has worked well for us. We try to set aside a night each week for a special date. Just getting out of the house for a couple of hours can do wonders for your attitude. Going to dinner, a movie, or whatever you find fun as a couple is a great way to refresh your memory of why you fell in love in the first place.

It is also important to practice patience, which is hard for me. Before I start to get angry for my husband's dirty socks, I try to count to ten, before I complain to him. We all have our little foibles, and the things about us that are difficult. It isn't always necessary to bring them out in the open. I try to make suggestions kindly, instead of letting my anger control me, and start handing out hateful directives. Like the old song says, "try a little kindness." This is not always easy, but it certainly feels better than arguing.

We can't all be interested in every activity together. I hate hunting and fishing, and they happen to be two passions for my husband. I know there is no way I could ever hunt. But, once in a while, I will go fishing with my husband, and it actually turns out to be a quite fun event. Once in a while it doesn't hurt us to do something just for the other person, like engaging in an activity that is important to them while it might not necessarily be our favorite thing. Marriage is all about give and take, and it should be a balanced effort in every way.

We've all heard the expression nothing worthwhile is easy, which is true of many things, marriage not the least of them. You have to make time for each other, find a way to easily and quickly solve your conflicts and communicate as best you can. It sounds like something you hear on a soap opera, but it is true. I have to practice at many of the aspects. I am not a patient person, I am not the easiest person in the world to get along with sometimes, but I am lucky enough to have found a person who wants what I want out of life. We don't have everything in common, but we are going the same direction together, which is building a home with love, and having the things we need.

I have learned one thing as I've gotten older-marriage definitely is work, but the payoff is fantastic when the work is successful and heartfelt.