How to Be the Best Man at a Wedding

Congratulations! Your best friend (or your brother or your cousin) has just announced the date of his upcoming wedding, and you have been asked to serve as his best man. You are well aware that this is a distinct honor, and would never turn him down for anything. However, in spite of the fact that you have been to countless weddings, you've never participated as a best man, and you really aren't sure what all is expected of you. You'd like to do the job right, and you're correct in assuming that there is more to it than just holding onto the rings during the wedding ceremony. So, in case you're searching, here are a few chores that are traditionally performed by the best man before, during, and after a wedding.

1. Groom's Night Out. If there is to be a pre-wedding party for the guys, including the groom, the groomsmen, and other close friends, the best man is usually responsible for organizing the gathering. These traditional get-togethers can be either casual or elaborate, depending upon the "style" of the people involved, can occur either the night before the wedding, or some time earlier. The entertainment may be a dinner party, or may be more sports-oriented, such as a golf or fishing outing. In any case, the best man is responsible for the arrangements. The best man should remember, however, that no matter what kind of "merriment" is shared on the day before the wedding, the best man needs to remember that the groom and his groomsmen have to show up to the wedding on time and in good shape.

2. Transportation. Unless the groom's car is planned to be used as the couple's escape vehicle, the best man should provide transportation for the groom from his home to the site of the wedding ceremony. Even if the groom's family are an integral part of the wedding, they may want to show up at the church a little later than when the groom needs to be there, and not having to show up so early may make their wedding day preparation a little more relaxing.

3. Ring Duty. Perhaps the most important thing the best man has to do on the day of the wedding is to make sure he has the bride's ring on his person immediately before the ceremony begins. The ring can be located either in a vest pocket, or fitted loosely on a finger, as long as it is placed where it is easily found, and easily transferred to the groom at the appropriate moment. In the case where a child ring bearer is used in the wedding party, the best man should become his/her adult supervisor, making sure that the child is quiet and well-behaved during the ceremony. If the child actually does have the two rings tied to the pillow, the best man should check that the rings are where they are supposed to be, and that they can be quickly removed at the right time. Carrying a pocket knife can be a good back-up in case the little pillow strings don't untie on queue.

4. The Toast. Ah, yes. For some best men, this is the scariest component of the entire day. Here, at the wedding reception, in front of a large crowd of people, the best man must gather his nerves, wipe the sweat from his face, clear his throat, and in a loud, clear tone, provide the first toast of the day. The whole process can be intimidating. With a little preparation, however, it can be a very enjoyable experience. Keeping in mind that most of the crowd is in a good mood, and will be cheering on his effort, the best man should set aside his fear of public speaking, and relate a brief statement about the wonderful husbandly qualities that the groom may possess, or the importance of the friendship he has shared with the groom. The toast should end with the raising of the glass, and a wish of good fortune for the new couple. Remember the following as it applies to the best man's toast at the wedding. Practice makes perfect. Short is better than too long. Sincere is better than funny.

5. The Dance. If the reception features music and dancing, the best man should make sure that he dances with the bride at least once. This is, of course, only after others have had the opportunity, including the groom, the groom's father, and the bride's father. In some circles, tradition also suggests that the best man dance with three other partners at some point in the evening, including the maid or matron of honor, the bride's mother, and the groom's mother.

6. Post-Wedding Duties. The best man may also have some other clean-up activities to attend to while the newlyweds are winging their way to Jamaica. Unless other arrangements have been made, the best man should see that all of the rented tuxedos are returned on time and in good repair. If the groom's car has been left in his control, he should make sure that any decorative additions (shaving cream, window paint, rice, etc.) have been removed.

7. Other Ideas. Not all weddings are alike. Some are more elaborate than others, and may not require all of the different duties of the best man, as suggested in the paragraphs above. Above all else, however, the best man should do everything he can to make the wedding day easy and enjoyable for the groom and his family, tending to chores that need to be done, as long as his assistance is not considered interference with family plans. When the best man is able to be a best friend on such a special day, he has given the groom a wedding present that money cannot buy.