How to Get the Best from Online Communities

Over and over, I hear people telling me that they just don't seem to have a sense of community in their lives and they don't know what to do about it. The main places people used to find community are either gone or dying in influence. Our society is becoming more secular, more power-driven, and lonelier by the minute. Many people do not want to join a church and many have moved miles away from family ties due to job opportunities. We are a society conditioned to the instant everything, and yet community is something that takes much time to create and very little effort to destroy. So, what are we to do?

Many people are turning to the Internet in the hope of quick fix for their solitude. They join on-line communities and expect to solve their isolation this way. This author has joined many on-line communities: newsgroups, on-line writers groups, dating and social forums, and lists. One thing that is apparent about all of them is that you get what you put into them. When it comes to building a community, the ideal is to start with your self.

Who are you?

Joining an on-line community is easy. All it takes is a user name and password. Many people prefer not to use their real names and like the anonymity the web provides. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you are usually nothing more than a screen name to every other person in cyberspace. It's up to you to take the initiative to introduce your self, if you wish to have anyone take notice that you've joined the group. People will also only be able to get a feel for your personality once you start posting. So, join in the fun!

Comment on other people's postings, and ask questions that might help the group forward their agenda. Post an icon for your screen name. It doesn't have to be a personal picture. This makes it easier for other users to recognize your posts. Be sure to be polite and remember: Text has no facial expressions! Trying to be cute can often be misinterpreted as a direct attack and can alienate you from others very quickly.

What are your interests?

Almost all groups have people with common interests. The trick is to find them. When you read someone else's post, you may find you hold the same philosophy of life. Take note of that screen name. You may want to talk with them in private later via email, if you feel a connection. Sometimes, groups allow you to post your interests.

StumbleUpon is a great community for people who have similar web browsing interests. It can be as simple as what you like to read on the web. It doesn't have to be something you are expert in. However, you can contribute to the community your expertise in areas you are familiar with, and contribute also by asking questions in areas you are not. If you are an expert in technology, find an on-line developer group. If you are an expert in writing, find an on-line writers group. If you have no interest in cooking, don't join a group discussing recipes!

Is your goal to meet in person?

Face it; an on-line community is a worldwide community. If your ultimate goal is to meet someone in person, you will need to limit your connections to people who are in your immediate area. That means if you are in a dating site, ask for people only in your area or who are planning to move to your area. Use on-line communities whose sole purpose is to meet in person, like Meetup. Otherwise, the odds of meeting depend on your financial resources and the other person's willingness to do so.

On-line communities can be a wonderful resource for people who find their schedules don't allow them the flexibility to make social events that could provide them with community. Lasting friendships can be built, but they take time and require the same patience and attention that even a face-to-face relationship might require. It is simply a more flexible version of these relationships. However, one must take care not to divulge too much information over the Internet or to trust someone after a few emails or chats. Trust on-line is the same as it is off-line: It must be earned.

In the end, on-line communities can provide needed companionship to housebound, busy, or shy people. If the relationship withstands the test of time, it's possible the relationship can progress to a physical meeting. However, this doesn't necessarily have to occur for it to be successful, nor does it require that you join with others at a church, to bring a sense of community to your own life. It merely requires your time and attention, just as any normal social interaction does. Community is built with care through time. It's not instant, and no amount of fly-by browsing can create it for us. We simply have to join in and make the situation what we want it to be by contributing of ourselves in a genuine manner.