How to Be a Bleach Blond Bimbo

It takes a lot of time and effort to accomplish the art of being a bleach blond bimbo. Here are the steps necessary in the order of importance.

THE HAIR

There are many shades of blond. Dishwater blond, ash blond, golden blond, strawberry blond.....the list goes on and on. In order to be considered a bleach blond bimbo, only one shade works and that is the palest of yellow leaning toward white. Because this shade of hair never happens in real life, it has to come out of a bottle. Peroxide (IE: bleach) is the main ingredient. If you have dark hair, it's best to go to a beauty salon for this process because if you don't use enough peroxide or mix it correctly with the color you will wind up a redhead. We all know that redheads are smart and can't be bimbos. Once you achieve bleach blond hair, it's time to move on to the look.

THE LOOK

Bleach blond bimbos have a certain look. It isn't hard to get the the look, but it's time consuming and revolves entirely around makeup. You need to buy ivory color foundation and powder and apply it generously. Eyeshadow should be either blue or green and applied with a heavy hand. Thick black eyeliner and mascara should be applied to both upper and lower lashes. Hot pink lipstick brings the entire look together. If you want to go a step further and become the ultimate bleach blond bimbo, you can apply a shiny glitter over your entire face with a soft brush. Once makeup is applied to your satisfaction it's time to move on to the outfit.

THE OUTFIT

Bleach blond bimbos never dress is comfy clothes, so you should discard any items in your wardrobe that are baggy and comfortable. Plan on a shopping trip to a place such as Fredrick's of Hollywood. Your closet needs to be stuffed with the following: Neon colored, tight fitting midriff tee shirts. Tiny, clinging blouses held together in front with one small string and plunging halter tops. Bottoms should consist of hot pants and mini skirts (these need to be short enough to show a little butt). Shiny, colorful spandex pants are allowed--but only when temperatures drop to 12 degrees or below. For your feet you should wear high heels, preferably stilettos or shiny patent leather boots that come to the knee. Undergarments are limited to the following: Padded, push up bras and thongs (these are to be worn ONLY when necessary).

THE TALK

The way a bleach blond bimbo talks is the icing on a cake. You can perfect the hair, the look and the outfit but if you open your mouth and sound smart you're just an ordinary blond. Bleach blond bimbos NEVER get the obvious, so you need to practice your inner stupidity. When someone asks a question you need to blurt out something irrelevant or wrong. Even better, sit there and look confused. When you're at the grocery store ask inane questions such as: Do you have any green beans in a jar???? I'm not strong enough to open the cans.....Where's the toast???? You have bread but no toast!

THE WALK

This is easy. Just wiggle your butt back and forth and shake your boobs with each step.

Any woman can accomplish the art of being a bleach blond bimbo...but I have to ask: Why would you want to?