How a Boy Feels

The nonnegotiable haphazard I write, an empty chapters of dreams:

of sleek tanned skin
sensuous and smooth
warm to the thought,
a radiant aura to the touch,
capable of eclipsing the sun-
penetrating the walls of protection,
carefully caressing each transient memory
that harbored deep inside the wells of distrust
replacing, all the emptiness that collected, with heartening splendor
the joy that reached, disarming the cancerous callous that grew in my chest
as blood finally pumped again through my veins
alarming with sensation, being found to walk alive in humanity

The persistent wish for imagination I fight, a desire for the unattainable:

of solitude among two strangers
sharing the complexity of a comfortable silence,
quiet pauses, breaks from the disintegration of humility
the drive to find the false altruism
lurking, in the depths of self appraisal,
but this is displaced, finding solace, amid the lifetimes that follow
with the eye, that's trapped in yours, lingering in limbo
gazing peacefully, I can almost feel you pulse, surging,
consuming, the tranquil rivers- that bubble beneath the skin
and how I long, to grasp,
to hold, to the fleeting moment
that passed in less than a second, hollowing me to the bone

The disenchantment of my plight, an unrealistic daydream crumbles:

of hours spent soaring high above the clouds
all those dreams and desires, I leave in my despair,
to the thought I hold so dear, for you my dear
the care I bear, for your illustrious majesty, the shine of your smile
the beam it casts upon the shallow surface that filled my half empty glass
to the truth of, what I, can't share,
leaving me your distant memories, gasping to cling to that breath of air,
I try to bring myself back to that moment
to the one you may have not noticed, the one that slipped in a heartbeat
tucking me back in the walls like my disenfranchised youth
to be found alone, as I allow the circumstance of chivalry, to follow its rightful course,
left to wait in the hope of my dreams, to the life, you deserve to fare