How to Break Up with Style and Grace

Most of us do not start a relationship, thinking of the end. We hope that this person is the one for us, that we will spend the rest of our life with them. Sadly the statistics and life experiences show us that this is a rarity. No matter how much you try at time, a break up is inevitable. As long as this break up is not due to physical, sexual or emotional abuse, but the simple growing apart from each other which can no longer be mended, you should try to make this break up as graceful and painless as possible. Here are a few things to keep in mind when you are ready to break up.

Don't make this decision in a moment of anger!

Arguments and fights happen a lot towards the end of a relationship, and if you are already in a stressful situation, you may be tempted more then once to just get up and pack your belongings. This reaction is natural and maybe even justifiable, but can easily be not what you really want when you are calmed down again. A decision to break up, should never be made during a moment of anger. Walk away for a few moments and calm down. Really think it over first and make sure this is really what you want, once your mind is calm and you are rational again. Do you really see no other way out? Are you just upset right now, or is this something that has been coming for a long time and have you tried everything possible to save this relationship. Be honest with yourself and don't be easy on yourself either. If you still see a glimmer of hope, or realize that the problems which have led to this decision are largely yours, you may yet still have a chance to turn it around if you still care for your partner. If the answer is a solid, it is over go to the next step.

Give them a fair warning that you are leaving!

Especially now and in these days when the economy is so bad. If you have been living together, you have joined bills. One alone may not be able to make it. Please remember I said that this only goes for situations where no physical, mental or emotional abuse is the case. If any of those issues are involved get out as fast as possible.

If you are about to break up with your other half, sit down and be honest with them. Let them know without any drama why it is over, that you are no longer willing to continue on and inform them that you are going to leave. If you can handle it, try to let them know that you both have about 1 month to look for another place to live, or find a room mate, so neither of you are out on the street. This way you can move on with your life in a clear consciousness.

Move out of the Bedroom immediately!

If the relationship is over, so is the sex. Which means, you no longer have "sex privileges" or "keeping him/her single" privileges either. You need to make a clear and precise decision that over means over, not friends with privileges, since that only confuses and gives false hope to the partner who did not make this decision. I know a lot of people do not see any problem with that, but honestly have some self respect for yourself and give your partner some respect as well. Make it a clean and clear break.

NO check up calling once you leave!

Calling "just to see how you are doing", not only stops you and your former partner from healing and moving on, but it makes you look like a psycho. No, it is not a cute little way of showing that you still care, because honestly if you still cared you would not have left in the first place! Those on again, off again relationships are not good for anyone. Wish them the best of luck on the way out of the door, but once that door is shut and you have retrieved all your belongs, leave it closed!

Move your things quickly - don't drag it out!

Decide what you want to keep and what you are willing to get rid off. This is an emotional time for both partners. There is no use in dragging something as unpleasant as moving out further out then necessary. Asking someone to hold your things for longer then you need it to be, is not fair either. If you can't fit everything into your new place of residency, rent a storage unit.

Do not spread mean or harmful rumors after you leave!

If this is a break up without the abuse, then don't turn it into one. With other words, do not go around talking bad about your Ex. Remember that when a relationship comes to an end, it is painful for both partners. Even for the one that is doing the leaving. Give yourself and your Ex the respect, to give them a chance of an untarnished new beginning in due time with someone else. A simple: "We just grew apart!" is all anyone needs to know. Remember you may end up running into each other at functions, restaurants etc. That will be uncomfortable enough without you causing additional problems because you want to be spiteful.

Don't wallow in self-pity and make other miserable around you!

Yes, even if you are the one that left, it is going to hurt. Especially if you had a lot of time invested in that relationship. There are going to be times you are going to be tempted to wallow in self-pity and tell your friends for the millionth time how miserable you are and that you may have made a mistake etc. Do your best to try to avoid that. Get involved in activities you enjoy. Keep your hands and mind busy and give yourself a chance to heal. A broken heart is never fun, but broken hearts do heal.

Don't date your Ex's friends, family members ect.

I would hope you have more class then that, but sadly a lot of folks seem to think that is perfectly ok. Honestly it is tacky as hell. You are going to cost a lot of problems if you do this and you may just find out that being "that sort" is not very good for your reputation either. Not to mention that you would constantly be accused of comparing them, and honestly you probably would.