How to Bring Awareness into Your Relationship

There are many steps we can take to bring about desired changes in our relationships, but without being truly aware of how we currently function in the relationship, it's unlikely that we will experience lasting results. Awareness must come before action.

To help you become aware of the current state of your relationship and what kind of energy you're bringing to it, try doing the following.

Imagine Yourself as Your Partner

Sit in a quiet place and close your eyes. Visualize yourself as your partner getting out of bed in the morning and preparing for the day. See yourself doing and saying the things you do through the eyes of your partner. Imagine their entire day as them. Be honest; don't try to make the things they do and deal with seem insignificant.

This visualization will help give you an idea of what your partner experiences each day and how they perceive your relationship. It is important to be sympathetic when doing this. If you are being angry, resentful, or critical towards your partner while visualizing, then you are not truly seeing things from their angle.

If you will be open and honest while doing the visualization, it can be a real eye opener. It will help you to have more compassion for your partner, which will, in-turn, benefit the relationship.

What are You Putting Into the Relationship?

A lot of the time we are so focused on what frustrates and upsets us about our partner that we don't realize the negativity we add to the relationship.

To help you become more aware of your state of mind, get a jar and some marbles; every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought about your partner, speaking or reacting to them in a negative way, put a marble in the jar. This helps you to pay attention to yourself and what kind of energy you are contributing to the relationship.

In another jar, add a marble to it every time you think a good thought about your partner, or when you speak and interact with them in a loving and respectful way. At the end of the day, compare the jars to see which has been your dominate state of mind.

Be honest when doing this. Don't force positive thoughts or actions just to get more positive marbles. Act as you really would. The point is to become aware of the way you currently function in the relationship before you attempt to make changes. Real change can not be based on dishonesty.

Acknowledge the Good Things

This is a similar idea to keeping track of your own attitudes and actions, only this time you are keeping track of your partner's. You aren't going to focus on the negatives though; you've been focusing on that long enough and it hasn't improved anything. What you are going to do is, keep a tally of how many times your partner says or does anything positive, whether it be rinsing his plate after dinner, telling you your hair looks nice, or picking up the dirty laundry.

This helps you to become more aware of the good things your partner contributes to the relationship. When you notice and appreciate these things, your partner will be motivated to do more of them.

Take the Challenge

Try doing this for a week and keep track of how many tallies and marbles (or whatever you decide to use) you have at the end of each day, and then add them all up when the week is over. Be sure to start with empty jars each morning.

This isn't about blaming yourself for any difficulties there may be in the relationship and it doesn't mean letting your partner off the hook. The point is simply to become aware of your state of mind and the way you interact with your partner.

There is only one thing we have any control over in our relationships and only one thing we can change, and that is ourselves. Begin with this and you will establish a firm foundation that will enable you and your partner to make lasting improvements in your relationship.