How to Buck Your Car Out of Snow Hell

This task can be formidable-but not impossible. At 5' 1", I did it!

Right here, I will reveal how I ended up in rodeo heaven. I will also list criteria that make a difference every time winter threatens to retire your beast. Finally, this article will include links to official authorities on a merciless subject.

1. Make sure the cowboy or girl is in great physical shape. Consider this undertaking athletic because it is. Shoveling snow tests coordination and strength, just like bull-riding. If any doubts exist about your overall health, consult a physician. Then, call a business that can free that critter for a fee less than a hospital bill. For local contacts, consult the Yellow Pages under "Snow Removal Service."

2. Next, observe the location of the ornery animal carefully. While you're hefting that snow, traffic may not slow down or drive around you. The rodeo professional needs to keep thinking like a driver. Where is the traffic originating? Where are the vehicles closest to yours? Do not wear a headset that blasts music or news into your ears. While you're shoveling, you need to hear passing trucks, plows, and clowns.

3. Of course, you'll need the correct tools to liberate that critter from Ice Hell. These will differ, depending on the weight and texture of the snow. To remove snow heavily encrusted with ice, bring a pointed metal shovel. For feathery snow, a large spatula style shovel may do the job. Scrapers need to be inside the driver's door at all times. Two or three will give you a choice of short or long handles, to keep your gloves frost-free. Invest in the best winter wardrobe that you can afford. These items function as equipment, too. If you're crying with chill-blains ten minutes into the job, you'll never complete the task. Finally, slap on those spurs and chaps!

4. Allow at least two leaps at the problem. Clearing the windshield comes first. You can't rush this step because somewhere under that white mountain, those wipers deserve delicate treatment. Clearing the snow from all vents will also render your defroster functional. After you've removed snow and ice from all the windows, you're ready to get your horse moving. If the ignition won't turn over, a call to your auto service station may be unavoidable. Don't waste time swearing over reality.

5. If your fingers are freezing, it's time to take a break. Frostbite is not part of the plan. During down time, you can reconnoiter. Schedule your assaults on the mountain, then, so that you give the sun a chance to help, if it can. Begin in the morning, as early as light works on your side, too. Time your break between early and noon attempts to get those kids to school. You don't need to be worrying about more monsters-and children-passing your beast while you're rocking it into the road.

6. If you tried-and failed-to get your monster moving during your first attempt, now you're fresh and rested to start again. Two steps will decrease the strain on your physical condition and stress level. Observe how much traction your wheels can achieve, given their position. Remove encrusted chunks of snow and ice from the wheels, frame, and bumpers. If you're attacking with that pointed shovel, take care around the tires. You've got to provide enough level surface for the tires to get a grip on something other than a white concave echo of their shape. Old rugs and even kitty litter can offer a reasonable and cheap road surface, when you can't find the original.

7. Now, look for the path that your wheels will take, once they're moving. Clear that area. You don't need to substitute for a ten-foot plow. Before you can assist anyone else, you've got to get your horse off that road. Remember to look in all directions before deciding how to rocket out of there. Take the path of least resistance, whenever possible. And keep looking for that traffic. The more absorbed you are in your work, the less likely you are to expect passersby in your vicinity. But clowns always turn up at a real rodeo, so don't ever forget about that possibility.

8. De-icers may do the trick, if that door lock balks. Once you're behind the wheel, grip it for all you're worth. Be prepared to rock that vehicle like a real Urban Cowboy. Come on, Cowgirls can win this event, too. Catch the rhythm of the movement as soon as humanly possible. Rock musicians have nothing on you, when the momentum builds. Now, though, it's time to heighten surveillance in every direction. You've got to calculate how far the car will launch as it spins a bit in orbit. It's probably not going to drive in a straight line; if it could, you wouldn't be in this fix, would you?

9. Angle the Great American Machine toward freedom. This move will require at least a little improvisation. You're working within a very limited area. Think of the way the horse works normally. Then, factor in the ice. It may take as long as twenty minutes or more to rock and launch simultaneously. Once it's rocking, though, momentum is yours, if you can figure out how to use it to your advantage. At all costs, avoid spinning the wheels in place: That repetition will just result in frustration and worn tires. Rock it both forward and back to get the rear action to work like a catapult. Meanwhile, assess how turning the steering wheel gives you new options.

10. The overall action resembles parking a car in reverse. Each step you take functions as part of one whole undertaking. This perspective won't emerge at the time, but, if you think about it now, you'll be ready for the next emergency. The final pullout works like half of a figure eight. Your beast's model determines how much snow you can climb without getting stuck all over again. If it's high off the ground, you may slide over that last bank, even if it looks impassible. If it's low to the ground, you will take chances with the undercarriage. So, the bottom line is this: Know Your Vehicle. Consult the best auto service repair personnel you can during all seasons. Their advice will come in handy when even they can't reach your snowbound victim.

Thank your lucky stars once you're free. In America, we depend on our cars so much that we forget sometimes that they're not immortal animals, and neither are we. Snow and ice test both to their limits. All the preparation you do during the rest of the year will bear fruit when your car's stuck-but you're not.