How to Build a Social Network in a New City

A move to a new city, even within your own country, is a lot more stressful than many of us want to admit. One of the best ways to ease the transition is to make friends with locals who can show you the ins and outs of your new location. Unless you want to settle for casual acquaintances from work, though, you'll probably have to put some forethought and effort into meeting people.

Of course, everyone's heard the standard advice about joining clubs and taking classes to meet new people. Unfortunately, though, it's entirely possible to follow all the traditional tips for making friends and still end up lonely. The problem is few people know how to parlay these socializing opportunities into real friendships.

So this doesn't happen to you, here some tips for using low-pressure socializing opportunities to meet people you really "click" with.

1. Join Clubs

If you were a member of any club in your old city, look for local chapters in the new one. If you're looking for a new club, go for those that have organized events such as sports games, photography outings, or camping trips. If you're even mildly spiritual, look for a religious group that suits your preference. Whatever you join, make sure it's something you genuinely enjoy. This not only makes it easier to hold conversations, but the energy you give off when doing something you really like will make others want to get to know you, too.

2. Take Classes

Take classes just to learn something and if you happen to make a friend, that's a bonus. If the classes tie in with an long-term hobby, such as a class in night photography for photography enthusiasts, it's easier to join up with people continuing that hobby after the class ends. Adult continuing ed classes may be the obvious place to start, but don't overlook yoga classes at the gym, computer classes at the library, or cooking classes from a local restaurant.

3. Volunteer

Volunteering can be an excellent way to meet people who share your passions in life, whether it's theater, dogs, or protecting the environment. If there's an organization you'd like to be involved with, but they don't advertise a volunteer program, call up and ask if they need any free help. You may be surprised what they can find for you.

4. Join a gym

Even if you're not the athletic type, a little exercise won't kill you. While it's not the easiest place to strike up converstations, you can still start one by asking how a certain piece of equipment works or about events or classes at the gym. Once you've got someone talking, mention that you're new in town and ask for suggestions about where to meet people.

5. Work the Coffee Shops

The trick to meeting people at coffee shops is to go at the same time on the same day. You'll eventually notice who comes in regularly and, if you're not especially shy, that alone can give you a conversation starter. If you're shy, though, you can wait until you notice something particular about one of the regulars, such as what they order or the book they're reading, and comment on that. Also, while you're there, try to avoid becoming absorbed in a newspaper or your laptop, so you don't give the impression you want to be left alone.

6. Make Use of the Internet

Meetup.com is full of local general and interest-based group all over the world. MySpace.com is also great for this finding people in your city who share your interests. And, no, it's not just for teenagers. Even senior citizens have MySpace profiles these days. If you're looking for quick companionship, you can't beat Craigslist.org. Just put up an ad in your city's "Strictly Platonic" section (unless you really are looking for a date) saying you're new in town and looking for people to go out to coffee or events with. To get personal takes on local events, check out sites like Metroblogging.com or the local communities on LiveJournal.com and don't forget to leave comments.

7. Attend Free Events

Even smaller towns usually have occasional concerts, art shows, lectures or other free events where you can mingle. Try for casual, sit-down events, rather than those where everyone's walking around. It takes a little more effort to meet people at big events, but that's balanced by the fact that it's easier to start a conversation when everyone's in a good mood.

8. Network

The breakfast meetings and mastermind groups popular with the self-employed can not only help you in your career, they can expand your social network, too. You may not become best buddies with anyone in that group, but you have a chance to meet their friends, too. To find business networking groups, check with your local Chamber of Commerce. Since groups like this tend to stay small, you may need start your own. A group based on a concept like self-help expert Barbara Sher's "Success Teams" can work for anyone from stay-at-home parents to corporate mangers. Another, less work-oriented way to meet locals is through companies like tableforeight.com, which provides organized, yet casual networking opportunities.

9. Go for Walks

Unless you take a really friendly dog with you, you may not actually make friends out walking, but you'll get to know the town's hidden gems and that alone can make it feel more like home. Plus, you may stumble across a promising club or coffee shop you'd never have found in the phone book.

10. Accept those invitations!

It seems obvious, but when you're feeling homesick or just tired, it's easy to turn down invitations from people you hardly know. The problem is that when you do this, even the first time you decline, people may get the idea you'd rather be left alone and avoid asking again. If at all possible, drag yourself out of the house just for a while. Ask even those you know casually what they're doing that weekend for fun. If they invite you and you have time, accept instead of stalling with an "I'll think about it."

Overall, try not to stress about building your social network. For many people, it can take up to two years to really get established in a new city. You don't have to be pushy or join clubs that don't really interest you; just be active and don't be afraid to make the first move.