How to Buy a Gift for the Holidays and Other Times

This is the biggest pitfall of gift-giving and the most easily avoided one. I think it has to do with simple ignorance. It's what a little kid does without guidance. If children aren't taught how to give a gift that the other person wants, they grow up into parents who think that this strategy of giving others what they themselves want works. If you're a parent, consider taking your child out the first few Christmasses and parents' birthdays and teaching him or her how to buy a gift for mommy and daddy. If you are an adult who never learned how to give a gift, see the rest of the suggestions.

2. Ask the person what they want for a gift:

Sure, it's hard to do. Yes, it's so hard that the holidays are loaded down with self-centered commercials and bad jokes about how hard it is to ask someone what they want for Christmas. Some people will give you a depressingly long gift list of depressingly expensive items. Others will tell you they don't really want anything (with the unspoken message that if you don't get them something nice, you will definitely pay for the rest of the year).

This is a good time to sit down and ask yourself how well you know this person. What subjects do they like? Do they have any hobbies? What do they keep in their houses? What kinds of movies to they watch? What kinds of books do they read? If you think it through, you should be able to come up with something that at least won't have them cringing when they receive it.

3. Consider their needs and situation:

Do they really need something for Christmas that they can't afford or get, but you can? Get them that. Get them a gift that will ease life, not make it more burdensome. So, for example, if they are moving soon, don't give them something big and heavy. If they are unemployed and need clothes for job interviews, get them a gift card to a department store. If you live far away, do you have something in your area that they can't get? Get that.

4. Give the gift on time and at their convenience:

Remember that a gift is supposed to make the person feel better. If it will arrive late or they have to travel or make a big effort or pay money to get it or make it work, choose something else.

5. Forget about the "perfect gift":

There's no such thing.

6. Don't expect anything back:

Sure, it would be nice if the person reciprocated with a gift in kind, but that's not the point. Some years, people can't afford to give you something equally nice in return. Some people just don't feel the same way that you do about gift-giving or your friendship. The point is to give the person something that they will appreciate and that will make their day. You're paying karma forward, not engaging in a financial transaction.

7. Keep it cheap:

The fastest way to embarrass the giftee is to give them a gift that they can't afford to return in kind. The fastest way to bankrupt yourself in January is to buy things that are far beyond your means.

8. Be selective about your gift-giving list:

I've known people who spent hundreds, even thousands, of dollars on gifts for distant relatives and mere acquaintances. Avoid that. It's what Christmas cards are for and they say it better. If you want to keep in touch with someone, but you're not that close to them, send them a card, in your own handwriting, that brings them up to date on your year. Send them contact information on the card and invite them to reply at their convenience. A gift is for someone who already knows how your year went because they were there or already heard all about it as it happened.