How to Calm People Down

I'm sure everyone has had a bad day once in awhile. Sometimes you will encounter people who are throwing a tantrum or are angry for one reason or another. Ok... but what can I do about this? Well, lets go through a simple situation for a minute and think this through.

So let's say that a friend of yours is very, very angry about something. This friend is in a very foul mood, and is making everyone else feel pretty dang miserable. Being the wonderful, caring friend that I know you are, you would want to calm this friend of yours down. But how you ask? This person is just talking trash or being very rude to whoever is talking to him/her. A reasonable thing you could do is...

Calm Tip #1: Ask what's wrong, and don't back down. Obviously, people have probably already tried to find out what's going on. But you have to show that you actually care about this person's predicament. Don't be aggressive about it, but if they try to push you away, show them that your serious. Most people will probably start talking at this point. Sometimes the person will be so angry that they won't listen to anyone. In this case, there isn't anything you can do at the moment. Make sure they know that you are available for a little heart-to-heart though. But moving on...

Alright, so you got this friend of yours to start talking. Let's say that this person is angry because the girl/boy friend just broke up with him/her. It's kind of a mix of sadness and anger right now. What to do next?

Calm Tip #2: Just Listen. Right now this person needs to vent, and your doing a good deed by providing them with a outlet. Be supportive, but let the person do most of the talking. But don't just sit there passively listening. Piece together what is happening. And ask yourself a few questions. Is this person justified in their anger? Are they over-reacting? Is there anything that you can do to help fix this right now? It's important to find out as much as possible, because you are gonna have to step up to the plate when this person is finished venting. Be calm at all times, no matter how angry this person gets while venting. If you get angry here for some reason, then it's all over.

Finally, your friend has let it all out. He looks exhausted. In fact, in the act of just letting this person vent, you might have also calmed them down too.
Obviously it won't always turn out like this, but letting out your frustrations can calm people down tremendously. Now you have to do your part.

Calm Tip #3: Be Supportive. But don't just agree to every last thing this person says. Be reasonable, but keep their spirits high. What you want to do here is diffuse any last bits of anger they have left. Boost them up and make them feel better about the situation. And make sure this person knows that you will be there if they want to talk later. By now, they should be calm and relatively normal.

The scenario that I went through above is generic and would probably work for the average person. This all sounds simple, but it's really about how determined you are to break through and find out what is going on. But remember that you can only do so much; sometimes it is necessary to bring in some outside help for tougher issues. I believe that calmness is an ideal state of mind; you can use your own to help calm down others when they are in distress. And please, use your common sense and don't try to calm down some crazy gun-toting individual; that is a professional's job. But you really are doing a great service by just listening to other people when no one else will. Calming others down can be hard, but it is worth it in the end; both to that person and to you for being a good friend.