How to Catch a Leprechaun: The Ultimate Guide to Leprechaun Hunting

For this article, our star reporters ventured into the field to supply you with the best methods and tips, baits and tricks for catching your very own leprechaun. From interviews with the experts and personal hunting notes, here are the top seven ways to catch a leprechaun.

7. Philosophizing Method

Engage your leprechaun in deep philosophical discussion while he is guarding his pot of gold. Be creative and striking with the topic you broach. The leprechaun will be so surprised by your striking intellect that you will bamboozle him into a motionless state of pondering. You may then snatch him up in your leprechaun net.

Suggested topics of discussion:

- The infinite and mysterious nature of rainbows
- The debatable immorality of fool's gold
- Circumstances that validate thievery of a fellow leprechaun's ale

A quick note concerning leprechaun nets:

They are not foolproof! Though nets are commonly used for leprechaun snatching, they are not perfect. Leprechauns are very sneaky, wily creatures and have been known to chew through, thrash their way out of, or set fire to nets. Any time a leprechaun net is mentioned in this article, replacing the net with an overstuffed armchair-fitted with shackles that automatically snap into place at the wrists and ankles-will be more effective in retaining your red-headed prize. For optimum results, scoop the leprechaun into the chair from behind.

6. Flypaper Method

Purchase a set of night vision goggles. In the dark of the night, when he is least expecting a diurnal human predator, follow your chosen leprechaun back to his hidey-hole. (Expect said hidey-hole to be in the hollow of a tall tree.) Set up a platform of tar, gorilla glue, or flypaper on his front stoop. When he comes out for his morning newspaper, his feet will almost certainly be caught. If you are quick, you can keep him from hollering to his lady leprechaun and successfully do away with him and his paper. We found the newspaper to be especially helpful in further capture of other leprechauns.

5. Psychological Breakdown Method

Construct a reverse-shrink ray using small mirrors, a flashlight, a child's toy squirt gun, and a central crystal made of frozen ale mixed with four-leaf clover. Once the leprechaun is in your sight (he will probably be running), employ your reverse-shrink ray on his fleeing behind. Once the rays overtake him, he will immediately be overwhelmed with convulsions from the shock of a sudden size/identity crisis. Hiding your reverse-shrink ray, you must provide the now unusually giant leprechaun with psychological first-aid. He will be forever in your debt. Remember: big leprechaun = big gold.

4. Leprechaun's New Clothing Method

Though leprechauns are known for crafting their own threads, this is not to say that the young lady-chauns might not be interested in a shiny new gown for the big St. Patrick's day ball. Even the gentlemen can often be lured by a new pair of breeches. Then, while he is changing into his studly new duds and admiring himself in the mirror you've so conveniently leaned up against a nearby tree, catch him in your leprechaun net.

3. Seduction Method

Seducing a leprechaun is a tricky undertaking, as most gentlemen chauns are innately suspicious of all womenfolk, leprechaun and human alike. We found that they take a quick liking to red-headed, shorter ladies who will scratch them under the chin and make eyes at them. Wear green. Be very careful, as our lady field reporters found one out of four leprechauns to bite.

2. Elevator Boot Method

Open a business that sells elevator (platform) boots. Lady-chauns, despite the discouragement of their gentlemen (remember method 5), desire to be tall and are always on the hunt for leggy shoes. Go for the works: billboards, lovely designs, and fancy signing for your storefront. Draw them in with guarantees of height. As soon as she's hooked on your shoes, she'll bring her whole brood of lady-chaun friends with her. Success!

1. Leprechaun Trap Method (Timeless and effective!)

This method is helpful for the less creatively inclined leprechaun hunter. If none of the above work out for you, we suggest the classic stick-and-box trick. Place your cleverly selected bait beneath a heavy box, propped up by a sturdy stick or craft dowel with a long string or length of twine attached. As soon as he pops in for a taste, pull the string. Also effective is a box with a sliding door that opens and closes at your discretion. Hiring your local mountain man might also be wise, especially when delving into the deeper realms of the forest.

Suggestions for leprechaun bait:

- Skittles. Leprechauns have a well-known affinity towards rainbows. The taste of rainbows makes them wild.
- Bailey's Irish Cream. This is especially attractive and scrumptious in coffee.
- Potatoes. Easy to come by and tasty to the Irish-bred leprechaun.
- Chocolate coins covered in gold foil.

Bonus: What to do with your leprechaun once you've caught him.

- Keep him like a pet. Train him so that he becomes loyal to you. We have been able to train leprechauns in martial arts so that they become attack leprechauns. With their skills in camouflage and wiliness, this added skill set is rather handy, especially for those captors who dwell in scary big cities.

- Charge admission for audiences far and wide to come and see him. You might want to train him to speak proper English. On the other hand, a captured leprechaun might not have many nice things to say. On the other other hand, if you make captivity enjoyable for him (armchair), he might philosophize for you, thus bringing even further cash flow-publications, weekly newsletters of timeless leprechaunian wisdom, etcetera.

- Or, the most obvious option: poke him into submission and make him lead you to his pot of gold!

We wish you the best of luck in your leprechaun hunt. We'd love to hear your success stories and comments on the art of catching leprechauns!