How a Childless Woman Found Pride and Joy

I learned that I was infertile as a teenager. At 16 years old, it was a shock that reverberates through my life to this day. Of course it affects the lives of many women, but I rarely spoke with one about our feelings and experiences of childlessness. Most of the time, when stories of infertility are shared they are about how a couple overcame the odds with groundbreaking treatment or opened their hearts to adopt child that needed a home. I felt isolated and alone until a friend lent me a book, Pride and Joy.

It's not polite to remain childless and it is difficult to discuss openly. In Pride and Joy, edited by Terri Casey, real women tell their stories. All of them consciously chose not forgo motherhood. They come from all walks of life and different countries around the world. Some are single and some have husbands or partners. Some are infertile and some are not. Any woman can find one of these stories to relate to her own. I learned that there were others like me that experienced and felt the same things I did. An unseen community of sisters wrapped their arms around me in acceptance and understanding.

Being a mother was something I wanted and assumed that I would do, even after the diagnosis of infertility. It was so important that I planned to adopt as a single parent if I didn't marry by a certain age. My life took a different direction. I am still single and my career is not stable or established enough to provide the financial means necessary. From observing my friends raising young children and babysitting regularly for some of them, I quickly decided that I would not volunteer for single parenthood. Seeing what an intense job it is for two parents to care for a child, I knew that I could not take that on by myself. Also over time the urgency and desire decreased. I felt that the window of prime opportunity had passed.

I found peace within myself about being childless, but still felt isolated and like I didn't fit in. All around there are families with children. There is real social expectation that you will become a mother and create a happy, productive family. The sometimes barely unspoken question from acquaintances is, "If you are not a mother, who are you?". The slap of it stings like an accusation. It is your feminine duty, isn't it?

The answer is, "No". Pride and Joy dispels that myth and shows the vibrant, meaningful lives women without children can have. They use their unique flexibility and freedom to make contributions to their extended families and communities that would be impossible for mothers to make. It inspired me and filled me with new confidence. I saw that I was already doing things in my community and that they were important. I have continued and confirmed my commitment to volunteer and no longer discount the value of things that I do.

Whether you are childless by choice or because of infertility, it brings challenges socially and emotionally. Pride and Joy can help you find fellowship and gain insight from the stories of these amazing and courageous women.