How to Choose Bridesmaids

You've got the ring, the fiancé and a dream of what your wedding should look like. You've probably selected a maid of honor already. But what about the other bridesmaids? If you aren't sure who to choose or how many bridesmaids to have, read on for some helpful and candid hints and tips about how best to choose your bridesmaids.

How many bridesmaids should I choose?
Generally, the rule of thumb is to have one bridesmaid per groomsmen. But that aside, what is the right number for you? When choosing your bridesmaids, consider whether you want a large, elaborate wedding or a simpler but elegant wedding. Larger weddings can accommodate more bridesmaids. But smaller weddings should have smaller wedding parties. Remember, you will have a maid of honor in addition to the bridesmaids. What does that mean in real numbers?

- Small wedding: 2-3 bridesmaids

- Mid-sized wedding: 3-4 bridesmaids

- Large wedding: 5 bridesmaids or more

Who should I choose to be my bridesmaids?
First, let's get some things straight. You do not have to ask any family members to be in your wedding. You may feel pressured to choose your family members to be bridesmaids, but at the end of the day, no matter what anyone says, this is your wedding and you can choose who you want. You also don't have to ask all your friends to be bridesmaids (in fact you shouldn't ask every single one of your friends to be bridesmaids - that's too much). It's okay to select a few extra-special friends to be in your wedding.

What should I consider when I choose my bridesmaids?
- Can they afford the expense? This is a big one. Though you might think "that's their decision," really you put people in an awkward place. No one wants to disappoint a friend by saying no to being in their wedding because they can't afford it. But you, as the bride, need to realize the stress that you will place on the maid of honor and other bridesmaids if you choose a bridesmaid who clearly cannot afford the expense of the dress, bridal shower, bachelorette and all the assorted travel and gifts.

- Do they play well with others? Don't choose a bridesmaid who is hard to work with or known for their lack of teamwork skills. Though they may be a friend of yours, having an unruly member of the bridal party will cause undue stress on everyone - including yourself.

- Do they have time to devote to the wedding process? Bridesmaids plan a bridal shower. They also plan a bachelorette. And they help you prepare for the wedding. Make sure all the women you choose have time for these things.

- Do they support your marriage? Hard to believe that a friend might not be supportive of your marriage, but it does happen. Don't choose a bridesmaid who disapproves for any reason. As with the other considerations, this will cause unnecessary stress.

What qualities should the bridesmaids I choose have?
- good at teamwork/collaboration skills

- gets along with others

- willingness to give of themselves

- importance in your life, and a genuine love for you (and vice versa)

- willingness to participate in wedding activities

- believes in romance and love

How do I ask the women you choose to be bridesmaids?
Don't assume that the women you choose to be bridesmaids will say yes. Remember that you are asking them to make a big time and monetary commitment, so it is a choice for them. So how do you ask them?

When asking, tell you potential bridesmaids why you chose them, what they mean to you, and why you want them in the wedding. Also tell them what responsibilities they will have and what expectation you have. This will give them a clear picture of what the whole thing is about. And don't be afraid to say "I know this is a big commitment, monetarily and time-wise, but I would love for you to be one of my bridesmaids."

Laying it all out (pros and cons) for the bridesmaids you choose is only fair to both of you. That way you will both be on the same page.