How to Choose Your Christian Wedding Vows

How do you choose Christian wedding vows for a church ceremony? The traditional service of Christian marriage includes a limited choice of traditional vows. Many couples don't even think about the wording of their vows until the week of the wedding or even until the night of the rehearsal. Given that these words are the promises you will make to each other to bind yourselves together for a lifetime, don't you owe it to each other to give careful consideration to the wording and placement of your weddings vows within the service?

Traditional Protestant Wedding Vows

In the Presbyterian Church USA's supplemental liturgical resource #3 (Christian Marriage), two traditional wedding vows are offered.

The shorter traditional vow:

Before God and these witnesses, I, _______, take thee, ________, to be my wife/husband, and I promise to love you, and to be faithful to you, as long as we both shall live.

The longer traditional vow:

I,_____ take you, _____, to be my wife/husband; and I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife; in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; as long as we both shall live. (both versions from p. 32 of the Christian Marriage Liturgical Resource #3).

In the Book of Common Worship, vows are worded very similarly:

I, _______, take thee, ________, to be my wedded husband/wife; and I do promise and covenant; before God and these witnesses; to be thy loving and faithful wife/husband; in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; as long as we both shall live. (p. 186, The Book of Common Worship).

Some couples choose the wording of Ruth 1:16: Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.

Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Another option for your wedding vows is to write your own vows. Here are some tips for writing your wedding vows, based on my 25+ years of experience officiating weddings as an ordained minister:

1. Remember the old adage, KISS? Keep It Simple, Sweetheart! This is a good maxim to keep in mind when writing your own wedding vows for a church ceremony. Read through the traditional vows first. Get a feel for how concise they are, and then try to keep your own handwritten vows as concise as possible.

2. Use traditional vows as a reference for content too. Note the main points of the traditional vows. First, the other is received publicly as spouse rather than the other way around. Traditional Christian marriage vows are worded "I take you..." rather than "I give myself". There is significance in this order. The emphasis is on the other. Honor your spouse above yourself. Secondly, the vows include a reality check. No matter what life throws at the two of you, you will stick together. That's the basis behind the "for better or worse" clauses of the traditional vows. And lastly, the vows include recognition of those watching: "before God and these witnesses". Remember that a church wedding service is a ceremony held before a community: family, friends, and neighbors. Acknowledge their presence. They are the witnesses to your promises.

3. You may choose to add an affirmation of your loved one. Some couples tell each other "...you bring out the best in me" or "...you are the most beautiful woman (man) I have ever known and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." An affirmation can briefly list qualities you especially value: kindness, patience, sense of humor, thoughtfulness. Consider a single sentence to affirm the best qualities of your future spouse.

4. If one or both of you have children still at home, you may wish to include them as part of your promises to each other. A couple hoping to successfully blend a family of young children might add a promise to be a faithful parent into the content of the wedding vows.

Practice Makes Perfect

Once you have chosen the wording of your vows, write them on a 4x6 card. Read them aloud to each other, your parents, your friends and ask them how it sounds. Is your diction clear? Is your voice loud enough? Are you reading them too fast? Practice until you can read them clearly, with feeling, and comfortably.

Give your officiant a copy of each of your vows. You may choose to have him/her read a line at a time to you so you can repeat your vows a line at a time, read them to each other without any prompting, or speak your memorized vows to each other without prompting. Most couples in my experience choose the first scenario, although I have married several couples who wrote their own vows, memorized them and said them to each other. In those cases I still had a copy of their vows on a card in my hand just in case it was needed.

Traditional or not, your marriage vows are the central focus of your Christian wedding service. Choose them with intentionality, speak them to each other with meaning, and remember them forever.