How to Get an "A" in Class

Be Punctual.
So he doesn't appear uneasy and send his pupils around the room and ransack his recollections for a reason you might be elsewhere and drop the roll sheet when you open the door three minutes after class was supposed to start…but he always waits for you anyway.

Make Eye Contact.
So he can wink at you while everyone else ducks from his examination and let his gape delve thirteen inches below the line of propriety and is assured that you're absolutely conscious of the discomfort you're causing…to him and his formerly comfortable chinos, and to you in the cotton summer-shirt you thought nothing of wearing directly over skin.

Go to Office Hours.
So he can coax your belief that you'd best understand his words if only you were a little closer, and pretend it's hot enough to unbutton his shirt, and assure you that the unleavened door really is soundproof.

Don't Leave Class Early.
So he can't sputter and hurl empty sweat at you and ask in front of fish-eyed classmates why you want to abandon him and why you never visit his office anymore and why he never sees you "around," while everyone else volleys suppositions between his court and yours.

Write Excellent Papers.
So he can call them "overly mature for an undergrad" and "obviously borrowed" and exercise the last of his authority to prevent you from leaving him and applying your education to the pleasures of a man worth six figures a year.

Give Fair Evaluations.
So that an office-assistant or secretary will someday wipe spilled coffee off of a sandwich-height stack of opinions and blot away the only proof that you let him take your power away.