How Cohabitation Has Changed Over the Years

Twenty years ago cohabitation, or living together before marriage, was frowned up by society. Today, however, somewhere between 30 and 40 percent of couples planning on being married are living together beforehand to see how well their marriage will work (Bishops, 2008). Even in countries other than the United States, cohabitation has been an issue. Just recently, the head of the Church of Greece gave his go ahead to plans of the government to put into action a law that gives couples who live together the same rights as married couples (Church clears, 2008). One study shows that cohabiting is better for men's mental health, whereas marriage is better for a woman's mental health (Cohabiting Better, 2005). Even though many people believe that cohabitation will increase the likelihood that their marriage will be more successful, there is a lot of research that shows that cohabitation does not necessarily lead to stability in a marriage (Larson, 2001).

One thing that I found interesting is that "couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage lasts seven years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who didn't cohabitate before marriage" (Stritof, 2008). My husband and I lived together for four years before getting married, but had been together for seven. I wonder how that statistic will pertain to us. I have always been on the side that agree with cohabiting. I think that it gives the couple a chance to see what living together in closed quarters is really like. Dating is one thing; living together is a whole other world. You think you'll be able to handle it no problem, but once you actually get put into the situation where you are around each other day in and day out, you notice the little things. Do they leave the toilet seat up? Do they leave dirty laundry all over? Do they expect you to do all the cleaning? These are really just little things in the big puzzle, but sometimes their little quirks and oddities can put extra stress on a relationship that may not be able to handle it yet.

Like I said, my husband and I lived together for 4 years. We began dating when I was 15 years old, and moved in together when I was 18. By the time I was 22, we were married. Our timeline worked well for us. We had a close friendship throughout high school, which developed into a good cohabiting relationship. We had four years to learn all the small things and see how we both really lived. I think this time together gave us an idea of what marriage and commitment might really be like for us. We developed a routine that worked for us, and that routine still sticks even though we are now married. I am thankful we had the time to get to know each other before getting married because there were no surprises after our wedding day. I think this concept can really work well for many people so that they are comfortable with themselves and the relationship before agreeing to a lifelong commitment.

(2005, November 9). Cohabiting Better For Men's Mental Health; Marriage Better For Women's. Retrieved March 16, 2008, from About.come: Mental Health Web site:

http://mentalhealth.about.com/cs/mindandbody/a/cohab0104.htm

(2008). Church clears cohabitation law. Retrieved March 16, 2008, from Kathimerini Web site: http://www.ekathimerini.com/4dcgi/_w_articles_politics_100016_14/03/2008_94409

Bishops, Kansas (2008). Cohabitation Before Marriage. Retrieved March 16, 2008, from Catholic Culture Web site: http://www.catholicculture.org/library/view.cfm?recnum=397

Larson, Jeffrey (2001, January). The Verdict on Cohabitation vs. Marriage. Retrieved March 16, 2008, from Marriage & Families Web site: http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2001/January/cohabitation.aspx