How to Comfort Someone Whose Loved One is Dying

Christmas should be a joyful time but for many this Christmas it is a time of sadness. There are many out there whose mother or spouse or child is dying this very night. There are a great number of deaths that occur right before Christmas. When someone is dying it is a heart wrenching time. When the death occurs around Christmas it is even worse for the loved ones they are leaving behind. What can you say or do that is comforting in this time of sorrow.

Call them and just let them talk. Let them voice their anger, their sorrow, their questions, and their pain.

Let them cry and cry with them. There is a time for joy and a time for tears. Often words only complicate things, so just quietly be their shoulder. Let them lean on you during this time of sorrow and become their rock.

Bring them food gifts. They won't feel like cooking but may eat a little if you coax them.

If they feel like talking, let them tell you stories about their loved one. Let them confide in you all the troubling details that are taking place.

If you are part of the family or a close friend, sit there with them, hold their hand or just be a comfortable, supportive presence in the room.

If you live nearby, help them by running errands or giving them a few minutes to rest while you sit at the bedside of the dying person. You could quietly clean the kitchen or help wash clothes. Look for ways to help and quietly try to fill them.

If they are religious, let them know that God is there and loves them. It is for ourself that we grieve. The tears are because of the emptiness and pain that we will experience in our heart and our life when they are gone. Their death will leave a huge hole in our heart.

I volunteered for Hospice years ago and sat at the bedside of a number of people who were dying. In most cases, the dying individual was ready to go. They were accepting of their death and at peace with it. If they were religious, they were happy to be going home and joining their spouse who had died before them. They had friends and family who have already passed away and felt happy that they would soon be reunited with those loved ones.

I visited a woman in a nursing home years ago who was dying of lung cancer. Her name was Ardith. She had been in a lot of pain and one evening when I stopped in to see her, told me that she was going home. She told me how happy she was going to be when she saw her family again. I thought perhaps they were sending her home to die. I asked the nurses at the station, if Ardith was going home. I was told no. A few days later, she passed away. She was happy the last two times I had seen her. She was ready for the next level.

In many cultures, death is a celebration not a somber affair. It is a celebration because they are no longer in pain and sadness. No longer will they labor to breathe and labor to move. In their cultural belief, death is a door to a new life. Death is only a step in the cycle of life.

When it is a child that is dying, it is more difficult because they are so young. Their loved ones feel that they never had a chance to live and often there is anger. There is never a good answer that is comforting when a child dies. We do not always understand the reasons for things that happen. The simple answer is that it is their time. I believe in angels and I think when children die, they are part of this heavenly 'special group'. Their courage often is inspiring to everyone they touch. Their life as short as it is, impacts others in a profound way. Children are often an inspiration and show amazing wisdom and vision for someone who has only lived on this earth for such a short time.

What can you do for your friend whose loved one is dying? Let them know that they are not alone in their sorrow and grief. Help them by letting them voice those dark feelings of anger, sadness and grief. For healing to take place, they need to grieve fully. The sadness and pain is a part of the process that eventually leads to healing. Your friendship and strength can be a part of that healing process that takes place over time.