How to Communicate Better with Your Children

I've found that the best way to communicate with children is to be a better person. Parents who lie or ask a child to do something that they don't do themselves are not going to convince a child to do it. Children tend to be smarter than their parents give them credit for and observe everything a parent says and does. The best way to communicate better with your children is to analyze what they hear you say and see you do, before trying to talk to them about how they should be. These tips can open the lines of communication with all children, but the hard work will start with changing the way you present yourself as a parent and viewing your children as growing people instead of your babies.

Hold Your Tongue

One of the fastest ways to communicate better with your children is to learn when to communicate. If your child is angry or sad, hold your tongue. Give support to your child and let them talk to you about what happened. If you are upset about their actions any kind of lecture, punishment or consequence, can wait for them to calm down. Our children need to feel like they have support, even in a situation you don't approve of or agree with, the best time to let them know about your disappointment is after they know that they are loved and they can communicate openly.

Praise Them to Others

Kids hear everything, they just act like they don't. Never talk bad or in a negative way about something your child does to friends or family. If you do, be sure to do it away from your home or in an email, they can't read. It hurts a child's feelings when you discuss the problems or issues you have with them, without their permission, and makes them feel just like an adult would in the same situation. If you want to communicate better with your children, praise them to your friends and family, when you know they are listening. They will feel proud to be your child and have you as a parent, this will start building trust and respect with your children.

Be Specific

Instead of, "good boy," or "good job," try " I love the way you put those movies up on the shelf." This way of communicating with your children, shows them that you are paying attention to them.

They are People Too!

Parents tend to think of their children as something super special, because they came from them. Of course each child is special in their own way, but they are just human. Putting your children up on a pedestal can lead to them disrespecting you and others, as well as expecting to be spoiled. Treat them like you would treat another adult, or another child depending on the ages of your children. If they do something wrong react to them the same as you would one of your friends. Tell them what they did wrong and give them a consequence. If they do something wonderful, let them know with a card or flowers like you would a friend or relative. Don't over do it, you don't want your children to think that the real world is any different than how you are treating them at home. They won't get flowers and $50 for each 'A' in college, so why would they get that in high school? Don't make them expect huge amounts of praise, because the world will be a let down when they leave your care.

Share Yourself

To communicate better with your children talk about your issues, or problems as well as your exciting moments of a day. Tell them about work, and they will tell you about school. Tell your teen girl what your husband did on your last date, and I guarantee she will share her first date stories with you. Spend quality time with your children and teach them about you, so they will teach you about them.

Don't Make Everything Bad

Say 2 good things for every bad thing said. Keep practicing this. If you have a baby/toddler, like I do, it seams like we are always saying, "NO," how would you feel if everything you did was wrong? Say two good things every time you say, "no." You can also communicate in a positive way when you are talking about something negative, "I don't like it when you put cheese all over the floor, but than you for helping me clean it up, you are very good at picking up your mess."

Be a Teen's Friend and Then Parent

Let your teen know that you have to parent them, but if they follow the rules and keep the lines of communication open, they will rarely see that side of you. To communicate better with your children take them each out and do something they like to do once a week, if it's something you both like that's even better. My son and I love cherry pie, so we go on dates to eat cherry pie, while my daughter and I get our nails done or go to the mall. If you have more than one child, and want to communicate better with your children, this requires you to spend time with them individually.

Don't Lie

Even if you aren't communicating with your children, never lie. Children find it hard to respect a parent if they know that they lie, but they are told not to. Remember your children here everything, so don't even do it over the phone, when you think they are sleeping. If you lie, so will they.

Talk About Your Future

If you talk about your wants and goals, they will grow up with a good understanding of what it is to be successful. If you don't meet a goal, let them now why. If you communicate about finances, that will always make a child feel odd, so keep money issues away from general goals or future plans.

Love, Love, Love

Communicate better with your children by showing them you love them. Don't just say, "I love you," show them. Those words are just words unless you back it up with action. If you take the time to teach them, give them attention and listen to them they will know that you love them.