How to Completely Avoid a Productive Day of Writing

If you find yourself writing for eight hours a day on Associated Content then you're being way too productive! Stop! You might be making too much money. More than likely you've built a fantastic writing portfolio. You can probably afford more than an iced coffee and a pack of cigarettes every once and a while. Yet there's a joy in letting the day waste away. You can kick yourself later for not doing anything. I do almost everyday and that's why you should listen to these tips from a professional procrastinator. Soon enough you'll be wondering where the time went and what you've been doing for the past 12 hours.

Check You E-Mail. Often.
Check your e-mail even if you've checked it already. You never know. Something important may come to you. There may be a spam offer for something you can't refuse or the IKEA newsletter. Nothing passes time quite like browsing through a catalog of Scandinavian furniture. Do people actually buy those armless couches? Are they comfortable? Then send a simple "Hello" or random picture to your mom. She's been wondering what you've been up to anyways.

Call Your Mom
One of my favorites since I live far from my mom and I enjoy the daily conversation. Talking to your mom can make time fly at an unusually fast rate. Let her know you just sent her and e-mail. Talk about everything. Talk to everyone that may be in the same household as she is- even the dog. See what you've been missing? With all that over productive writing you've been missing out on your family. Call your mother! (No, really, do it. She misses you. And she might have an idea or two for you to write about that you haven't thought of.)

Get Some Food.
And not just Pop Tarts or cereal. A writer has got to eat; a procrastinating writer has got to eat well. So make some eggs, lots of coffee, a bagel, some cereal, a piece of fruit... just not all at once. As you finish a part of your meal and get ready to write, get up and make something else. Make it as inconvenient as possible. That is the point after all. Besides, if you didn't cook the soy sauce scrambled eggs with orange slices on the side, who would?

Do The Dishes
Why let those dirty dishes from your nine course breakfast sit there? It's not like your significant other is going to do them. It's not like the dog would do them even if it knew how. Besides, the eggs will stick to the pan and the plates if you let them sit there and that's just too hard to deal with. If you don't do them now, you'll hear the dishes screaming to be cleaned as you try to write. If you get to writing, that is.

Update Your Status
Next you should update your status on Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter. You're already sitting at the computer anyways. Tell everyone what you're doing (sitting at the computer accomplishing nothing) and what you should be doing (writing and accomplishing something). Read everyone else's updates. Comment accordingly. Wait for a reply. Repeat if necessary. There are added bonuses: on Facebook you can play a few games and take a few quizzes. On Myspace you can fill the bulletin board with random surveys. You'll be on those sites for hours and not even know it.

Browse For Ideas
This starts of with good intentions. One minute I'm on the websites for CNN, Fox, NBC jotting ideas down and catching up on what I missed while I was sleeping. Suddenly I'm on Failblog and Passive Aggressive Notes giggling like an idiot and going crazy clicking on links to other blogs. I can't explain how I got from Fox News to the blog This Is Why You're Fat, but it's happened on more than one occasion. Which leads me to the next time wasting idea...

Set Up A Blog To Promote Your Writing
If you have any writing to promote, you should also have a blog where you can promote it. Even if you haven't written anything in weeks, it'll be a good investment to set up a blog where you can eventually put links to your articles. Whether you like Wordpress or Blogger you're going to spend a lot of time filling out "About Me" sections, picking out the perfect colors for your site, and adding those fun little widgets for random things like Twitter and links to those funny blogs you've already wasted half of your day reading. Convince yourself it's for the writing you'll be doing on Associated Content later, have fun switching between layouts now.

Nap.
There are few things better than a nice nap on the couch with the dog stretched out next to you and your favorite music playing the background. You've had a long day. You've accomplished nothing, but it was all so exhausting at the same time. It feels good to have your back stretched out, it reminds you that you need a new desk chair. Maybe if you wrote something you could afford one. But a nap will do for now. After all, you did have a big breakfast and you've been in the computer for so long looking at everything (except for what you should be writing) that you don't want to risk eyestrain. Yep... a nap sounds perfect about now.

(Author's Note: Not to be followed! For humor purposes only. It's a therapeutic way to confront my problem: It's not writer's block, it's distraction. I thought that if I confronted the issue head on, I'd get over it and get my tush into gear. If you have any of these symptoms, consult someone to light a fire under your butt and get back to writing immediately.)