How to Confront Difficult People Using the Sandwich Technique

When difficult people try to force their agendas or spread ugly rumors on us, we're often tempted to lash out at them. However, attacking them only adds to the problem, making it even worse than before we confronted them.

Next time you want to verbally attack someone who's unreasonable, use what's called "the sandwich technique." Simply put, the sandwich technique tucks in the constructive criticism, the meat of what you want to say, between two soft slices of bread. For example, let's say that you're the pastor's wife and the victim of vicious gossip at your church. Someone told you that Sister Suzie said that you were spending too much money of the church's funds on vacations. The truth is, every one of the trips you've recently taken was to tend to a sick relative. Outraged, you first want to approach the person who started the ugly rumor and give her a piece of your mind. Instead, use the sandwich method. Here's how it goes...

Step 1: The "soft slice of bread". Before lashing out at the one who attacked you, stop and take a deep breath. Then think about one positive quality that the person has. This may be difficult if you can't think of anything at first. But let's face it---everyone has some good traits. If nothing else, you can focus on physical appearance. For example, compliment her on her hair. So, to be begin your confrontation, say, "First of all Suzie, I want to commend you on your appearance. As head of the Ladies Guild, you set an excellent example to make the best use of your God-given beauty, glorifying God...."
Also, try to think of other sincere reasons why you appreciate the person. Again, it may seem hard, or almost impossible, but with a little thought, I'm sure you can think of something nice to say. Then, move on to Step 2....

Step 2: The meat of the sandwich----This is where you express your concern(s). For example......
Sister Suzie," It's been brought to my attention that you've been spreading false rumors that I'm using church funds for vacations. This troubles me greatly because it just isn't true. In reality, I'm using our personal funds to visit my sick, elderly aunt in Kansas. Tell, Suzie, have I offended you in any way? If so, I'm truly sorry. I can't think of any other reason why you would want to hurt me by spreading these rumors."
Then give Suzie an opportunity to talk and hear her out. If you have offended her, ask her to forgive you. After she's spoken what's on her heart, move on to Step 3.

Step 3----The bottom slice of bread---This is the slice of "encouragement". It's here you have the opportunity to express how you're confident that God can help you work out your differences. Be sure to stress how you think the relationship is important enough to heal and how you believe in the other person, as well as value her. Also include that you're praying for her and for your relationship to heal.

In most cases, the sandwich technique has healed many a broken relationship. If you continue to practice it, it will not only bless the person you've forgiven, but you'll be blessed yourself. Or, if the other person doesn't respond, you can still rest assured that you've pleased God and have done His will. Maybe you can't control another person, but you can do what you know is the right thing to do.