How to Control Your Children

I've decided to introduce democracy into our household. Up to this point in our lives, my wife and I have operated as a sort of dictatorship that disapproved any requests from our teenage children that we thought were risky or unreasonable rather quickly by citing a reason for our disapproval and then resorting to the "because I said so" routine if questioned about our decision.

We've decided that in the future the answer to all requests from our children will be "yes". That way we can avoid confrontation and will be seen to always be on their side. They will love us more for being responsive to their needs, just as Congress is loved by the American people.

It goes like this. Junior, our 16 year old son, just acquired his drivers license and now wants to drive to a rock concert 50 miles away with four of his buddies. He states to disregard the news that the performing band has been the source of raucous behavior in the past. And since the concert starts and ends late, he will spend the night at a friend's house so as not to disturb us when he gets home. In the past this would have been greeted by wild laughter from my wife and I. "You've got to be kidding us," might have been the words that emanated from our lips if we could momentarily stop laughing. We wouldn't let him go to the library to study under similar circumstances - let alone 50 miles to hear a bunch of . . . Well you get the point.

Anyway, we've changed. We both said yes he could go. Of course certain conditions would have to be met to insure the safety of the trip as well as to insure that our car would be well treated.

We stated that first the car would have to be inspected by a state certified individual to insure it's safety for the trip. Of course Junior would have to bear the burden of any repairs that might be necessary. We assured him that we wanted him to arrive on time. Next we needed to receive a certified letter from the parents of his friends, notarized of course, that contained a legal release should any mishap occur. We assured Junior that in this day and age that would only be prudent. We would need a letter from the performing band which stated that they would guarantee no rowdiness and that the music could be considered "wholesome". We also needed a security deposit from his friends of . . . say $5000, to insure that our car would be returned in good shape. There were several other conditions that were about to be revealed when Junior walked away in disgust. We told him we were behind him 100%, but somehow he seemed to doubt our sincerity.

We learned this approach from Congress. Congress heard an overwhelming majority of the citizenry call for a fence along our Southern border to stem the tide of illegal immigration and they responded in the affirmative by authorizing the fence. First, they failed to fund the initiative and then after finally funding it, they placed so many controls, required statements and affirmations on the project that it is unlikely that few of the conditions, if any, could ever be met. Each Congress member can now return to the electorate and state that they heard our request and have responded. They support us!

The absurdity of the Congressional approval can be seen by Googling H.R. 2764. It's 315 pages of law that would require several advanced degrees, a masochistic mind and plenty of unproductive time to read and come close to any understanding. For the normal citizen to read and understand would be almost impossible.

Just as we said "yes" to Junior's request, Congress has said "yes" to the citizenry. This juxtaposition of meanings for yes and no is what endears democracy to the voter.

My wife and I have become believers in this process. We're not sure about Junior.