How to Convince a Saver Spouse to Spend More

The "spender" of any marriage always seems to take on the stigma of being immature, reckless, and irresponsible with the family finances. It's true that many marriages suffer at the hands of credit card crazed spouses eager to hit the malls whenever payday rolls around, but the opposite is actually true for some couples, especially as the economy begins to worsen. While times are indeed tight, some individuals have begun to nurture their saving tendencies to the point of putting their families into a state of suffering. Refusing to make everyday purchases, canceling all recreational activities that require a little spending, working from dawn until dusk for a bit of overtime pay, and even hiding money from the rest of the family are just a few of the more common characteristics of overzealous savers. While you may be the "spender" in your marriage, that may simply mean that you aren't in a state of panic over otherwise normal and temporary financial difficulties. If you feel that your spouse's saving strategies are putting an unnecessary strain on the family, consider the following tips in your efforts to reach a middle ground.

First, approach each purchase as if it were an investment. Ok, this can get a little tricky when you're trying to buy a new PlayStation game, so pay attention here. Sometimes a purchase that seems frivolous to some actually does bring in more than its actual dollar value in happiness, and it does so for a long period of time. If you want to make an occasional larger purchase that isn't an absolute necessity, help your spouse understand that this is not necessarily the start of a spending spree, and that you plan on getting enjoyment from your purchase for quite awhile. Also, try to keep track of the last time you made a purchase of this nature. If your saver spouse claims that you are trying to throw away the family's money (something you've likely heard before), remind him/her of how long it's really been since you bought anything for yourself. If it's been two weeks, put the thing back on the shelf and avoid the argument. If it's been six months, they'll see your point. Not only that, but they may even open their eyes to their own miserly ways, and how that has affected their family in a negative fashion.

Now what about the smaller purchases? What about that movie you wanted to rent tonight or that new bistro you wanted to try out? They'll never go for something like that being an investment. Or will they? You see, most saver spouses are simply trying to protect their families, meaning they do care about the people they are inadvertently hurting. When your spouse tries to cut down harshly on small entertainment and activity purchases, appeal to his/her sentimental side by pointing out how memories can be made with these little "investments." While saving is important, so is living in the moment. Putting money aside for ten years without relenting on a regular basis for the sake of simple fun can mean a great deal of lost memories and bonding. While this isn't something your spouse wants to hear while you're at the checkout counter, this is an excellent point to bring up in a private conversation before any purchasing decisions must be made.

Next, start a little separate savings account of your own (something you can bet that your saver spouse is already doing, whether you know it or not). This is for your discretionary spending. Be careful here, and don't make the mistake of not telling your spouse about this account. While you may be thinking that he/she is certain to be impressed with your ability to save without their knowledge, they may interpret your secret saving as dishonesty and further proof (in their mind, anyway) of your mismanagement of money. Not having knowledge of all funds coming into the home will cause your spouse to distrust you, further fueling their fiery need for total control of the finances. Do be clear, however, that this small discretionary fund is for you. Whether it's for gifts, investments, or just a little play spending now and then, you have the right to make the decisions about how this extra cash is spent. Give your saver spouse the right to their own discretionary account as well, of course, but chances are they already have control over every other dime. This account is for the sake of your sanity, and to avoid potential arguments altogether. While your spouse might take it upon themselves to "save" the family from financial ruin, take it upon yourself to save your family from dullness and bitterness.

Finally, always approach "extra" purchases with care. While it might seem a bit silly to you to look for a coupon for a Saturday night dinner out, your spouse will feel much more at ease (and you'll be much more likely to actually leave the house with a companion that night). Look for deals and point them out before suggesting a purchase. Make your spouse unable to deny the deal that you'll both be getting. Adding just a bit of sensibility to all purchases, along with being able to point out something other than the dollar value of whatever it is that you desire, will make convincing your saver spouse to spend more a much smoother task to take on. If all else fails, speak to a marriage counselor, or your financial advisor, as a couple to work out a compromise.